


Snow Bilbo and the Thirteen Dwarves

by Ithilas



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Kink Meme, M/M, What Was I Thinking?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-20
Updated: 2014-05-19
Packaged: 2017-11-26 04:26:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 39,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/646559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ithilas/pseuds/Ithilas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bilbo thought the stories of a faerie marrying a Took were nothing more than stories.  Stories made up by hobbits who didn't exactly approve of his mother's side of the family.  So when animals start following him around, cuddling up next to him while he's sleeping and attacking dwarves in some misguided notion that he needs protecting he starts to wish that maybe he'd listened to his mother a bit more.</p>
<p>Kink Meme fill</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Once upon a time...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: http://hobbit-kink.livejournal.com/1990.html?thread=1198790#t1198790

The fact that the Tooks have faerie blood must be the worst kept secret in the Shire whilst at the same time one of the best kept. Worst kept because every time a hobbit with Took blood does something no self respecting hobbit would do, the tongues start to wag and the rumor is bandied about once more. It also the best kept because only the Tooks and theirs know the truth of the matter. Only they know just how dominant faerie blood can become when a child of its line is in danger.

 

His father was gone. Dead and buried in the customs of the Shire leaving him and his mother alone. His bright, beautiful mother who dimmed with the weight of sadness as each day passed. Different as they might have been, no hobbit either in the Shire or out of it, could say that his parents had not been a true love match. Hobbits talk of love like it is a grand thing but never do they mention what happens when one leaves the other behind. If this is love, he thinks to himself, then he wants nothing to do with it.

 

He isn't bitter. Well he is, but he buries it because he knows how very much his mother is hurting and he wishes more than anything that he could take it away from her. Her beautiful dark brown hair that once had strands of white streaked through had seemingly gone white overnight and her once plump frame grew thinner as the weeks passed. She would live only long enough to see him to his majority before she left him alone to follow his father.

 

Twenty three years later he is sitting outside his home, on his bench with eyes closed and pipe in hand. He enjoys the feel of the warm sun on his face and the feel of the wind blowing through his curly hair. It took him quite some time to become accustomed to the quiet of his hobbit hole after his mother passed. Long hours spent outside just to get out of the silence had slowly turned to an appreciation for the outdoors. He loved the outdoors like nothing else for the comfort it had given when he was still reeling from the death of his mother. It is as he is sitting outdoors with his pipe listening to the sounds of the Shire that a wizard from his childhood appears and offers him something that he would have taken before the weight of his father’s death changed him. He goes back into his comfortable hobbit hole and sternly tells himself that the time for adventures is long over. He convinces himself that he will refuse every offer made to him by the wizard but the next morning as he wakes to find himself alone the silence presses down on him as he stares at the contract still lying on the end table. His bag is packed and he is out the door with the signed contract in hand before he can second-guess his choice. He feels alive in a way he hasn’t since his father died.

 

A month passed and he wasn't sure that he liked the outdoors anymore. Or maybe he just didn't like dwarves mixing with his outdoor experience because being outdoors before the dwarves had come into his life had never been so dangerous. Leaning against a tree trunk trying to swallow the urge to be sick from the stench of the mountain trolls' cave he watched Gandalf conversing amicably with the brown wizard. Closing his eyes with a tired whine escaping him he was startled to feel something furry rubbing itself against his foot.

 

Eyes snapping open he looked down with wide brown eyes to see one of the brown wizard's rabbits clicking its teeth in quiet contentment next to his foot. "Why hello there." He murmured as he knelt down to rub gently at the soft fur. "Shouldn't you be with the other rabbits?"

 

"Bilbo my uncle is coming this way so you'd best stand up and leave the rabbit to its own devices." Kíli hissed down at the still kneeling hobbit after several minutes of him doing nothing but petting and talking to the rabbit. "Plus I think the wizard would appreciate it if you didn't make off with one of his pets."

 

"Why would he be coming over here? Also I’m not planning on taking the rabbit. I was just petting him."

 

"Perhaps it's because you've been playing with a rabbit instead of standing ready to move." Fíli answered leaning down to help the hobbit to his feet. "Aulë knows that we still get into trouble for not properly occupying ourselves during our breaks."

 

"I think that your last reprimand had more to do with the fact that you and Kíli were fighting." Bilbo commented dryly as he brushed the dirt from his pant legs. "As I recall the both of you were near to rolling around on the ground like a pair of children when the lecture started. Although I still haven't the faintest idea as to how I ended up being lectured as well when it was the two of you fighting."

 

"That would be on account of it being your fault we were fighting." Fíli answered as he busied himself with checking the edge of the dagger hidden along his forearm. "You were the one to comment on how strange it was that Kíli is taller even though he’s younger."

 

"Oh no you're not blaming me for that. The pair of you were already in a foul mood . My comment did nothing more than provide a convenient excuse for the pair of you to fight."

 

Looking up from where he was trying to fix the strap of his water container Kíli grinned at the hobbit and his brother who both rolled their eyes at him. "Wasn't much of a fight especially with Uncle in the mood he was in." Checking the strap before slinging it back over his shoulder and under his coat he slung an arm across the hobbit's shoulders to give him a quick squeeze before stepping away as his uncle neared. "Although I think that you really got lectured because when Uncle started tearing into us you had to go and remind him of how young we are."

 

"Traitors." Bilbo hissed as Thorin came closer and Fíli gave him a quick smile before making himself scarce as well. "Don't just leave me here alone!"

 

"Bilbo I've a question for you if you've the time to answer it for me."

 

Head snapping up as Bofur called out to him Bilbo nearly sagged with relief at being given an excuse to avoid yet another lecture. "Yes?" He asked jogging over to where Bofur stood near the edge of the group. "What question did you have?"

 

"How badly do you want to avoid being told to stop playing with the rabbits?"

 

"It was a single rabbit and it came over to me." Bilbo retorted with a thankful grin. "Thank you for that by the way. Fíli and Kíli were going to just leave me there."

 

"We would have rescued you." Fíli said indignantly as they came over to stand with them.

 

"I wouldn't have needed rescuing if you hadn't abandoned me to the dubiously tender mercies of your uncle."

 

"C'mon Bilbo—," Kíli stopped as the sound of a warg's howl filled the woods his hands already moving to pull his bow from his back.

 

"Is that a wolf?"

 

"Wolf? No." Bofur answered his face grim, eyes already searching the woods while adjusting the weight of the mattock in his hands. "That is no wolf."

 

He had a moment of unease before the warg launched itself from the cover of the forest. He didn't have much time to think on it until later but he was certain that once the warg had seen him it had hesitated before being cut down. With how quickly everything had happened he knew that it was possible he was mistaken but he didn't believe that to be the case. The thought of a warg pausing caused something to niggle at him from the back of his mind but as much as he sat and thought about it he still couldn’t figure it out. Leaning against the trunk of the tree he settled his hands on his stomach and closed his eyes with a sigh of contentment. Rivendell was peaceful and definitely a small bit of serenity that he’d been in sore need of. Yawning as he reached up to scratch at his ear he felt the pleasant tug of sleep and with no one around to see he leaned his head back against the tree with a smile. A small nap sounded lovely, he decided as the urge to sleep won.

 

 

He woke to the feel of something tugging gently at his hair and the sounds of muffled giggles and hushed whispers. Opening his eyes he realized that he’d slept longer than he’d meant to as the sun was now close to the horizon. Yawning widely his eyes flew open as a bird chirped and he sat there mouth agape at the sight of the small brown bird perched on his arm tilting its head at him in curiosity before flying up to land in his hair. Hearing the giggles that had woken him Bilbo turned his head to the side to see Kíli rolling along the ground laughing while Fíli was bright red with suppressed laughter. Shooing the bird out of his hair took some time but eventually he was able to get back onto his feet so that he could stand over the still laughing brothers.

 

“Is there a reason that you’re laughing?” He asked primly his foot reaching out to nudge Kíli in the ribs. “Assuming of course that there is a reason.”

 

“You—you had a bird…” Kíli tried to speak but broke back down into helpless giggles at seeing the perplexed look on Bilbo’s face.

 

“What the simpleton is trying to say is that you had a bird in your hair trying to preen it like it would its own feathers.” Fíli finally managed to explain as he struggled to compose himself. “We were worried when you didn’t come for lunch so we came looking for you. You’ve had birds coming the entirety of the afternoon trying to make it look just right. There’s even been fights over which bird should be preening your hair.”

 

Glaring at Kíli as the dwarf clutched his middle and howled with laughter Bilbo huffed. “I don’t see what’s so funny.”

 

“You looked like a lass!” Kíli gasped out between giggles. “A lass from one of the tales our mama told us as children.”

 

“There are times when I honestly don’t know why I still speak to the pair of you.” Bilbo said before spinning on his heel and beginning the walk back to his room for the evening. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go get cleaned up before dinner.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is what happens when I take a cracky prompt and try to write it. The plot happened by accident I swear but I regret nothing. Except for maybe the fact that I'm apparently incapable of actually writing crack without plot.


	2. Nighttime Visitors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Animals are very sneaky creatures and Bilbo does not remember this being in his contract.

His hair was still wet from his bath by the time he made it down to the hall for dinner.  Ignoring the empty spot between Fíli and Kíli, he instead sat next to Bofur and did his very best to pretend that the brothers didn't exist.  Smiling at an increasingly worried looking Bofur he served himself some vegetables before looking at the meat and decided to eat some fish instead.  Digging into his food with gusto he had nearly finished his plate when he heard Bofur clear his throat.   


"Is there something the matter?"  Bofur asked once he looked up to meet concerned brown eyes.  "I ask because Fíli and Kíli have been trying to get your attention this entire time and you've scarcely looked at them."  


"They were being... well..."  


"They were bothering you again?"  


"Yes they were and I—I don't want to ignore them."  Bilbo said quietly his gaze dropping back down to his plate.  "I just don't think that they'll understand that I do have limits if I continue to let it go."  


"Aye that's true enough so something they said bothered you something fierce then?"   


Bofur's voice was full of such quiet understanding that for a moment Bilbo doubted the wisdom of his decision before it was chased away by the memory of their laughter.  "Yes."  And that was the end of it as he hastily made his excuses and left the hall to go back to his own room.   


Hurrying through the hallways back to his room he stiffened as he heard Kíli calling for him and rushed the last few feet to his room slamming the door shut behind him.  Standing with his back against the door he listened as the brothers knocked several times to no avail before leaving with a promise of returning the following day.  Sighing he moved to his bed only to stop at the sight of the garments lying across it.  Reaching out his fingers curled inwards with indecision before he lifted the blue cloak from the bed.  Spun with fine threads the fabric was soft against his hands and perfectly sized he decided as he tried it on.  Fiddling with the silver fastenings he examined the cloak that came to an end just above his ankles and smiled at the thought of having protection from the rain when he raised the hood to find that it was deep enough to shield his face from the elements.

 

Pulling the cloak off and setting it aside he picked up the pair of brown pants and white shirt.  Holding them against himself to see if they too were of the proper size he turned positively giddy with excitement at the thought of having a proper change of clothes.  Although he was of course leery about wearing the fine clothing out into the wild the practical side of him couldn’t forget that it would save him from having to borrow clothing should something happen to his current set.  Deciding that he would need to seek out Lord Elrond in the morning to thank him, Bilbo set the clothing onto the chair in his room and readied himself for bed.  Crawling beneath the cool covers with a hum of pleasure at the feel of the smooth fabric beneath his still travel sore body he closed his eyes and feel asleep to the sounds of the wind blowing in through the open balcony doors of his room.

 

He was oddly warm when he woke his mind still fogged with sleep as he tried to figure out why his face felt wet.  His eyes were heavy as he finally forced them to open when he realized that something rough was darting across his face leaving it cold as the breeze in his room chilled the wetness on his face.  He stared at the orange furred face that greeted him before a pink tongue slipped out to lick his nose and he snapped out of the daze that had fallen over him at the sight.  Screaming at the sheer insanity of a fox lying on his chest while he slept Bilbo scrambled to the right side of the bed only to scramble back to the other side as a trio of rabbits squeaked their displeasure at him.  Falling off the bed in a tangle of nightclothes and covers he landed with a jarring thump against the hard floor before hurriedly untangling himself from his covers enough to stand. 

 

Eyes darting across the room his mouth fell open as he noted that there was a hawk asleep on the bed post whilst on his bed lay the fox staring at him with what he could swear was a look of reproach.  Jumping as there came a heavy pounding on his door he stared at it in confusion before scurrying towards it as the voices of his companions became clear.  Opening the door he clutched the fabric of his nightshirt in one clammy hand while he listened to the loud voices of the dwarves all trying at once to be heard.  “Bilbo?”   Melting gratefully into the one armed embrace Kíli offered, Bilbo watched the animals dart out of his room leaving him alone with the dwarves.  “What happened?  Why’d you scream?”

 

"There was a fox.  On my chest.  While I was sleeping."  He stuttered over his words in a way that he hadn't since he'd been a very young child trying to convince his mother that he really hadn't been very high up in the tree when he'd fallen.  "Why was there a fox on my chest?"

  
  
"You woke us because of a fox?"   


Flushing at Nori's question, Bilbo shrunk in on himself before straightening and lifting his head. "No the fox was only part of it.  There were rabbits sharing my bed and a hawk sleeping atop my bed post. Forgive me if this is something that dwarves are accustomed to but I can assure you that hobbits most certainly are not accustomed to waking only to find that animals have chosen to sleep with them."  


"To be sure waking with animals isn't something that dwarves are accustomed to either."   Fíli said his arms crossed as he came to stand by Bilbo's shoulder.  "Perhaps it’s Rivendell that causes the animals to act so oddly today."  


"Aye first the birds and now foxes. Perhaps the animals sense that our Bilbo is better company than the elves.”  Kíli joked his humor falling flat as Bilbo moved away from him. “You’re welcome to share our room, Bilbo.  I don’t think that the animals will go so far as to follow you into a room with two dwarves.”

 

“I’m not a hobbit lass looking for protection from the dark, Master Kíli.”  Bilbo replied tightly, his eyes flashing with barely suppressed anger.  “I’m really very sorry to have woken everyone.  ‘Twas silly of me to react so but I must admit to having been very startled to wake as I did.  I apologize but I must ask that further discussions be held until tomorrow as it is still quite late and I’ve learned that I must keep the doors in my room shut should I wish to avoid waking as I did now.”

 

“No need for apologies, laddie.  But right you are in saying that this can wait until the morn.  Come away out of our burglar’s room, lads and leave him to find what sleep can be found before dawn.” 

 

Smiling gratefully at Balin as the dwarf began ushering everyone back out of his room and into the hallway outside Bilbo waited for the door to close behind the last dwarf.  Rubbing his elbow that ached from the harsh fall onto the floor he sighed and set about putting his bed back to rights before moving to close the doors that led to the small balcony outside his room.  Fluffing his pillow with agitated movements he finally fell back into bed and rolled onto his side with one hand beneath the pillow as he waited for sleep to come.  There would be time enough, he decided, to ask Gandalf about the animals in the morning.    


...  


This was a conversation he'd hoped to avoid but it seemed as though luck was not with him.  "He travels with dwarves, Gandalf.  Dwarves."  Hiding a wince as Elrond turned away from him the grey wizard sat patiently waiting for his friend to continue speaking.  "It was after Sauron revealed himself that we last saw one of his kind walk Middle Earth and you would entrust him to the dwarves."  


"They will keep him safe."  


"Safe?  Who will keep him safe from them?  He needs protection and I do not think that he will find it with them.  They have allowed him to journey with naught but the clothes he wore when I first saw him."  


"Peace Lord Elrond."  Gandalf said his hand rising as the elf began to pace.  "They have proven themselves capable of this task.  If I felt otherwise I would remove him from their company.  They are harsh, this much is true, but if he falls it will be only if they themselves have fallen."  


"Have they said this?"  Opening his mouth to reply Gandalf remained silent as Elrond shook his head. "He travels with them but he is alone, alone because dwarves have little concern for any not blessed by Aulë.  They will see him fade never understanding the blessing that walks among them."  


Pulling his pipe from the folds of his cloak Gandalf lit the pipeweed still left in the bowl. "There are those in Thorin Oakenshield's company that will never let that come to pass.  He has friends and protectors who will see him safely through the journey.  They would, I believe, defy their King to do so.  Elves they may not be but Bilbo could ask for no finer company than the one he keeps at present."  


"It is only because you have long been my friend that I allow him to remain with them whilst they call upon our sanctuary.  When the dwarves depart they may do so but it will not be with him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I plan on becoming a zombie instead of dying because somewhere Tolkien is planning out the different ways he can kill me. But thanks for reading and enjoying!


	3. Oatmeal and Discussions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once upon a time he used to eat breakfast with nothing around him but silence but now he has dwarves surrounding him. Dwarves who wouldn't know the meaning of silence if he tried to explain it to them.

When he woke again the pale morning light of dawn was beginning to flood his room.  Turning onto his back he stretched before sitting up and rubbing the sleep from his eyes.  Glancing about the room it took long seconds to convince himself that there had been no other visitors to his room.  Pushing the covers aside he stood on his tiptoes with fingers stretching towards the ceiling before beginning to get dressed for the day.  Holding his travel clothes in hand he pursed his lips before setting them back down and picking up the elven clothing left for him.   Changing quickly he brushed the hair of his feet before opening the door of his room and stepping out into the quiet hallway.  Hurrying down the hallway as he noticed that it was now well after dawn now he slipped into the hall where some of the dwarves had already gathered to eat the breakfast that Bombur had prepared for all of them.

 

Sitting down with a grateful smile as Bombur passed him a bowl of porridge he picked up his spoon and began to eat.  “I soaked the oats overnight before adding honey this morning while cooking them so make sure you eat up, little burglar.  You lose any more weight and soon we won’t be able to find you.”

 

“He’s right you know.”  Kíli said as he and his brother sat next to him.  “You’ve been losing weight since we set out.”

 

“It’s all weight I can afford to lose; us hobbits are built that way.  If you were to listen to my grandfather it started during a particularly lean harvest that was followed by one of the harshest winters the Shire has ever seen.”  Bilbo said between spoonfuls of porridge.  “Afterwards it was seen as unacceptable for a hobbit to be seen underweight or even close to what could be considered underweight.  I’m actually still at a pretty healthy size for a hobbit.”

 

“Be that as it may I think that Bombur has a point and it wouldn’t hurt to eat whilst you still have the luxury.”  Fíli nudged Bilbo with his shoulder before picking up his own spoon.  “With the ponies gone it’s harder to keep the same amounts of provisions that we had before and there will be no guarantee of finding food while we’re travelling so better that you build yourself up now.”

 

“Well unlike the pair of you, I have no problems with finding berries and whatnot to supplement my diet.”

 

“We eat berries and whatnot.”

 

Bilbo smiled indulgently at Kíli before leaning into the dwarf and patting his hand.  “I ask you then to name me five berries that grow in the wild and that are not poisonous.  If you can’t, don’t take it too badly as I’ll be sure to tell you if you’re going to eat something that will poison you.”

 

“Don’t lump me in with him.  I actually listened to our mother when she was teaching us.”

 

“You’ll have to forgive me if I can’t quite believe that.  Your mother, formidable as she must be to have raised you two, must have had quite the time in attempting to teach you anything that involved the pair of you sitting and listening or even worse being taken into the wild to learn.”  Laughing as the brothers flushed with mild embarrassment Bilbo thanked Bombur as the heavyset dwarf ladled another serving of porridge into his bowl.  “No worries lads, I’ll be sure to protect you from the evils of the berries and whatnot.  Wouldn’t do to have you taken ill because you’ve eaten what shouldn’t have been picked.”

 

“It seems our burglar knows you too well, lads.”  Bofur grinned at the brothers as they lifted their heads to glare at him.  “There isn’t one dwarf in Ered Luin that doesn’t know the trouble you gave your lady-mother and uncle in trying to teach you something that didn’t involve fighting.”

 

“We weren’t so bad as that.”  Kíli insisted to Bilbo as the hobbit leaned closer to listen to Bofur.  “Uncle made sure we learned what was needed.”

 

“To be sure he did laddies but you didn’t make it easy for him to do so.”  Balin spoke up from his seat further down the table.  “Many a time did your uncle have to leave the forge only to have to hunt the pair of you down so that you could sit in the lessons you were supposed to be attending.  Why I recall one particular instance where he actually tied the pair of you down so as to ensure that you would not be leaving before the lessons were over.”

 

“Aye and then he had to deal with Dís who was unhappy that her boys had been tied up and was in no mood to hear the why.” 

 

Lifting his eyebrow as Dwalin spoke up, Bilbo turned to look at the brothers.  Kíli was trying to sink beneath the table while Fíli was burying his face in his hands and groaning with embarrassment.  Stifling the urge to giggle he patted Fíli’s back in an attempt to comfort the dwarf who was now muttering curses against the entire table.  “Now it can’t be so bad as all that, Fíli.  Chin up I was nearly as bad though I will say that my mother never had to tie me to make listen to lessons.”

 

“Oh ho so our burglar was just as bad as these two, was he?”  Bofur asked his eyes crinkling with amusement.  “I find that rather hard to believe seeing as how you were so determined to save your mother’s china.”

 

“Well perhaps not so bad as them but I was considered very wild for a hobbit child.  My mother more than once was taken to task by the other hobbit mothers because they felt that I was encouraging bad behavior by running about as I was.”  Bilbo admitted with a faint smile on his lips, his gaze distant as he thought back to his mother standing tall against the near constant criticism.  “She was a Took and while I imagine the name means nothing to you; it meant everything in the Shire.  A Took could always be depended on to do something outrageous while the Bagginses were never known to do anything unseemly.  So if I was caught running through gardens or climbing trees while I ought to have been in lessons then it was my mother’s fault because it was from her that I had the Took blood.”

 

Licking his lips and swallowing to compose himself Bilbo forced a smile that didn’t reach his eyes and caused the dwarven brothers sitting to either side of him to straighten with concern.  “My last night at home, Gandalf asked me when my mother’s china and doilies had become so important to me.  I never answered him but they became important when she passed because it was all I had left to remind me of her.  She didn’t have many things that were very important to her but her china was one of those things.”

 

“Then it is an apology I’m owing you, Bilbo.”  All traces of amusement gone Bofur pulled his hat from his head and laid it over his chest as he bowed his head.  “Offense was not meant by my actions and if by them I did so then know it was not intentional.”

 

“Oh no.  No, no you shan’t apologize because I simply won’t have it, Bofur.”  Bilbo exclaimed his eyes wide as he waved his hands in front of him.  “You couldn’t have possibly known and well it was silly of me to have become so attached to them.  My mother would rise from her grave to give me a sound scolding were I to accept your apology and as I’ve a care to meet her in the Halls without that happening you’ll simply have to forget it and accept that there was no offense caused.”

 

“Surely she wouldn’t go through all of the trouble of leaving the Halls just to scold you.”

 

Pinning Kíli with a flat stare Bilbo snorted.  “You never met my mother but trust me when I say that not a person in the Shire was willing to cross her if she took it into her mind that you were in the wrong.  The Tooks may have been considered wild but there wasn’t a hobbit in the Shire fool enough to rouse my grandfather’s anger and as his daughter, my mother got his temper.”

 

“Well then we’ll simply have to train you so that when we go to the Halls we don’t have your mother tearing after us for leaving you to swing a sword without training.”  Fíli rose and tugged Bilbo by the arm until he was forced to rise to avoid having his new shirt torn by the force of Fíli’s grip.  “Up you get and we’ll begin fixing that today as Gandalf seems to have convinced uncle to give us a rest.  So we’d best start teaching you as it’ll be easier on you now that you’ve still got the comfort of a bed to help ease your aching muscles.”

 

“Can I at least change my clothing first?”

 

 “Best to get the tree hugger clothes dirty now!”  Kíli chirped cheerfully as he handed Bombur the three empty bowls before hurrying to catch up to his brother who was now leading Bilbo from the hall.  “If you had a need for clothes though you should have said something I’m sure that we could have found you something.”

 

“I’m not exactly partial to wearing leaves and will you not call the elves tree huggers?”  Bilbo asked his voice heavy with an exasperation that was belied by the fondness of his gaze.  “The elves have been nothing but hospitable to us but one would think that you were trying to get us all thrown out on our ears.”

 

Kíli laughed and pressed the back of his hand to his forehead in a dramatic fashion as he grabbed onto Fíli’s shoulder with his other hand.  “Brother we are being maligned.  Our hobbit burglar believes us unable to procure him clothing.”

 

“That’s not what I said.”

 

“To be considered less than an elf?  Oh how low the line of Durin has fallen!”  Fíli cried dramatically while wrapping an arm around his brother.  “Uncle will never be able to accept us as his heirs now.  And the people?  What will the people think?”

 

Lips twitching with amusement Bilbo stuck his hands in his pants pockets and strolled ahead of the two brothers.  “Perhaps I should ask Lord Elrond to see if there is an elf he can spare to show me how to use my sword.  I wouldn’t want to be given substandard teaching after all.”

 

“Now that was just uncalled for.”  Kíli replied as he and Fíli caught up to Bilbo and began dragging the hobbit outside.  “There’s no elf alive that could ever be as great a fighter as a dwarf.”

 

“Aye they’re too worried about their hair—“

 

“—their clothes—“

 

“—and with making sure that their weapons are just as difficult to maintain as they themselves are.”

 

“The pair of you are utterly impossible and if we’re kicked out from Rivendell I’m going to steal your blankets as recompense for the bed you’ll have cost me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the lovely comments and kudos as they are much appreciated.


	4. Squirrels come in packs?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo should have asked Elrond for an elf to help him learn to use his sword. At least then he wouldn't be stuck between worry and laughter like he is.

It really couldn’t possibly go any worse Bilbo thought with a cringe as Fíli was pelted yet again with an acorn by a furiously chittering squirrel.  It had started well enough, Fíli had shown him how to draw his sword and even more how to keep it in such a way so as to make it easy to draw in the first place.  The first few times he’d drawn his sword he’d felt clumsy in a way he hadn’t felt since childhood but with the encouraging smiles from the dwarven brothers he’d kept at it until at last his draw was something resembling smooth.  Content to call out advice Kíli had sat himself beneath one of the massive trees bordering the outskirts of Rivendell while Fíli had drawn one of his own swords in preparation of teaching Bilbo how to defend himself.  The first contact of blades had him dropping his own as he realized how woefully unprepared he’d been for the sting of the blade’s reverberation echoing along his arm.

 

Kíli had called out that Fíli needed to remember that it was a sword he was swinging and not a hammer.  Grateful for the attention that was drawn away from his own clumsiness Bilbo had bent down to pick his sword up again and thus missed the first squirrel bounding down from its tree to stare at them in curiosity.  This time he was ready for the clash of swords and managed to hold onto his sword while Fíli slowly walked him through learning how to read the movements of a sword quickly enough to respond or at the very least get out of the way.    Timing was important but being able to last through the rigors of battle was of greater importance, he was told by a grim faced Fíli after he’d asked for a small break, because of what use was his training if he was too weak to utilize it.  For a moment he’d been left speechless wondering if he should take offense before he wiped away the sweat from his forehead and nodded.  Fíli’s resulting smile had left him with an odd feeling residing somewhere near his stomach before it was quickly smothered by the sound of chittering behind him.  Turning around he’d been met with a group of squirrels racing past him to jump on Fíli.  Losing his balance and falling to the ground as he spun around he watched as the squirrels pulled on braids, clothing and scratched at the by now flailing dwarf.

 

Pushing himself back to his feet he’d listened to Kíli laughing loudly before moving and trying to pull the squirrels off of Fíli.  Grasping onto the warm furry bodies with slow movements he waited to feel the bite of teeth only to gape in surprise as the squirrels calmed and nuzzled his hands before jumping down to the ground.  Once pulled away from their attack the squirrels had contented themselves with pelting the blond dwarf with anything available any time Bilbo moved away.

 

 Rocking back onto his heels as he squatted in front of a still dazed Fíli, Bilbo used the cuff of his shirt to gently dab at a lightly bleeding scratch just above the dwarf’s eyebrow.  “Are you okay?  Oh what am I even asking.  Of course you’re not okay.  How could anyone be okay after being attacked by a pack of squirrels… Are squirrels even supposed to come in packs?”

 

“He’ll be fine, Bilbo.”  Kíli said as he reached down to pull Fíli to his feet.  “It’s his pride as a dwarf that’s taken a beating.  This’ll be a fine story to tell when we’re weary and looking for something to make us laugh.”

 

Elbowing Kíli in the ribs as he shrugged off the hand holding onto his arm, Fíli placed his hands atop a still fretting Bilbo’s shoulders.  “I’ll be fine.  It’ll take more’n a pack of squirrels to take me down.”

 

“Your ties are gone.”  Bilbo reached up to tug gently on the end of a loose braid.  “The squirrels have also created quite the mess of your hair.  I’m so sorry that the squirrels hurt you.  I’ve no idea as to why the animals are acting so oddly here.  Perhaps it is to do with Rivendell as the animals certainly never acted like this in the Shire.”

 

“It’s not your place to apologize Bilbo.  That’ll be the squirrels who are needing to apologize and as they’re still throwing things at me I don’t see that I’ll be getting that apology.” 

 

Frowning as he looked from his brother holding onto the hobbit who was still had the braid in hand, Kíli forced the frown away as he tugged Bilbo away and under his own arm.  “Speaking of the animals, have you spoken with Gandalf about the way the animals have been acting around you?”

 

“I haven’t seen him since yesterday morning when he was trying to get your uncle to consider showing the map to Lord Elrond.”  Bilbo admitted as he looked up at Kíli.  “I was meaning to go looking for him after breakfast but I admit that I was a bit distracted by the pair of you dragging me out here.  Not that I’m not grateful for you showing me how to use my sword because I am.  Grateful that is.”

 

“You’ve nothing to be grateful for as we should have thought of showing you how to use your sword well before this morning.  Hobbits are a gentle folk and as such, I don’t imagine that you’ve had the same training as we have.”  Smirking at Kíli as Bilbo stepped away to dab at another bleeding scratch with his shirt, Fíli gently batted the hobbits hands away.  “You’ll dirty your shirt if you keep using it to clean my face up.”

 

“Oh bother the shirt.  It’ll wash but I think I really must insist that we get back to the others so that your scratches can be cleaned.”  Bilbo muttered as he glanced down at the red lines staining his shirt cuff.  “There’s no telling what the squirrels could be carrying and I’d really feel a lot better if you would at least allow me to clean them so as to remove that worry.”

 

“Aye Fíli let’s go back so we can tell everyone how you were viciously attacked by a pack of squirrels who were trying to protect our Bilbo here.”

 

“He’s still bleeding so I fail to see how this is something to be laughed about.”

 

“It’s to be laughed about because he can fell orcs without getting a scratch and yet some animals not the size of his boots are able to take him down.”

 

“You are being utterly impossible, Kíli.”  Bilbo huffed as he began to usher Fíli back along the path they’d taken.  “If you’re going to insist on laughing about this I’ll just ask one of the elves for some linen and hot water before I take care of your brother’s cuts myself.”

 

“Don’t forget my sword!”  Fíli said as he followed the hobbit.  “I’ll be needing that when we leave.”

 

“Don’t forget his sword, he says.”  Kíli muttered as he leaned down to pick up both his brother’s and Bilbo’s forgotten swords.  “The squirrels didn’t do so much damage so as to keep you from being able to pick up your own sword!”  He called out as he eyed the squirrels still loitering about with a nervous air before hurrying after his brother and Bilbo.

 

…

 

“You’ve improved with using that letter opener of yours, Bilbo.”  Kíli said with a wide grin as he nudged the hobbit teasingly.  “Soon enough you’ll be able to fight trolls by yourself.”

 

Bilbo’s grin was equal parts embarrassment and delight as he ducked his head.  “I’ve not improved so much as that.  I’m still not able to keep up with either of you once you’ve stopped holding back.”

 

“The point is that we’ve stopped holding back which means that you’ve improved a great deal from the hobbit that couldn’t hold onto his blade without dropping it after the first strike.”  Fíli clapped the hobbit on the back as the three headed back to Rivendell proper.  “A little over a fortnight of training isn’t long which makes your improvement that much more impressive.  You’ve done well to reach the level of skill that you have.”

 

“If I’ve done well then it’s because I have good teachers.” 

 

“Aye I suppose I am one of the best—“

 

“I think he was talking about me—“

 

“Actually I was talking about the both of you.”  Bilbo said as he turned a brilliant smile on the two brothers.  “I know that I didn’t know much that was of actual use for this journey and you’ve both helped me so that I’m not as big a burden as I once was.”

 

“Bilbo Baggins where have you been hiding?”

 

Turning his head to the side to see Gandalf hurrying down the steps leading to the courtyard they’d just entered Bilbo hurried to meet the wizard.  “I was in the woods with Fíli and Kíli.  They’ve been teaching—“

 

“There’s no time for explanations.  Thorin has at last decided that he will indeed listen to reason and will meet with Lord Elrond.”  Grabbing the hobbit and ushering him back up the stairs he’d just descended Gandalf led him back into the halls of Rivendell.

 

“That’s our hobbit you’re making off with!”

 

“And he will still be your hobbit once he is returned I only have need of him for a little while.”  Gandalf called out to the dwarves before pausing to look back.  “Please ensure that the company is all gathered upon the western balcony if you will.  There will be much that needs telling after this meeting I fear.”

 

“If you would please save me some food as well!”

 

 “Food is not what you should be thinking of at this moment.”  Chiding the hobbit as they hurried down the halls Gandalf heard the dwarves behind them call out acquiescence to the request.  “There are greater matters at hand for if you are to be the burglar this company needs then you will need the information that Lord Elrond will give.  We must make haste for I fear that I have left Balin and Thorin with Lord Elrond for far too long.”

 

“Surely Balin wouldn’t let anything get out of hand.” 

 

“You forget that Balin was there when the Elvenking refused them aid as they fled Erebor.”  Gandalf replied as he lengthened his strides.  “Dwarves as a race have long memories and hold grudges for even longer if they feel that they have been wronged.  It is a fool who forgets that.”

 

“Are they wrong to do so?”  Bilbo asked softly as he ran.  “It is a hard heart that turns away from suffering.”

 

“I fear that you have spent too much time in the company of our companions, Bilbo.  You have started to sympathize where once you would have looked upon the matter with an unbiased eye.”

 

“Once I may have done as you say but that seems like it was a lifetime ago and that I was a different hobbit.”  Ignoring the considering gaze of the wizard Bilbo focused on catching his breath so that he could continue.  “I would have made a different conclusion but it would have been the wrong conclusion.  The Elvenking turned his back on the dwarves when he could have offered them shelter or even supplies to see them through their long journey to Ered Luin.  Any ill will that the dwarves bear for him is entirely of his own doing.”

 

“There are many who would disagree with such a statement.”

 

“Then they are free to disagree with my belief but all the disagreement in this world or the next cannot change what has happened or the hatred that has been brewed because of it.”

 

“Your mother’s blood is stronger than I would have thought, Bilbo Baggins.”  Gandalf held an arm in an unspoken request for the hobbit to stop running.  “I wonder if I oughtn’t call you Bilbo Took as it has ever been my experience that Baggins’ will shy away from beliefs that stray from the popular.  Alas, this will have to be a conversation we hold at a later time as we have arrived and thankfully it seems as though all within have managed to hold their tempers whilst awaiting our arrival.”

 

And with that their conversation was over as they entered the room to find Balin talking quietly with Thorin while Lord Elrond stood with his back to them and hands clasped behind his back.  Bilbo followed behind Gandalf content to let the wizard direct the meeting whilst he remained quiet and nearly forgotten by the others in the room.  He watched as Thorin obstinately refused to show Lord Elrond the map until at last it was pulled from his tunic and Balin’s protests were silenced as the elf took hold of the map and held it up.  Remaining quiet through the meeting he absorbed the information given knowing that his life would depend on it being remembered correctly only speaking when he needed to clarify something he didn’t know.

 

 It seemed the meeting was over when Lord Elrond turned to leave the cliff he’d led them to when the elf paused and turned back to look at him.  “I would have you know, Master Baggins that Rivendell will always welcome you within its halls.  Never will your need prove greater than what we can offer.”  Nodding his head after several long moments of holding the elven Lord’s gaze Bilbo heard Thorin’s hiss of disapproval before he and Balin began to speak in Khuzdul effectively keeping him from listening to their conversation.  Feeling the weight of Thorin’s dark gaze on his back Bilbo turned to look up at Gandalf as the wizard placed a hand upon his shoulder.

 

“You have been offered a great gift.  Offers of sanctuary have been made before but I can think of only a few instances where offers such as the one just offered have been made.”  Staring down at his feet Bilbo made a soft noise of assent.  “I must leave you now to continue speaking with Lord Elrond but I would have you gather the company and ensure that you are nearing Rivendell’s borders by dawn.”

 

“Leave?  Why would we need to leave?”

 

“Lord Elrond will not interfere in this quest but I fear that others will not share his opinion and will seek to put a stop to your journey if you have not left these halls before the first rays of dawn have come over the horizon.”

 

“And where would you have us meet you, Gandalf?”  Thorin’s gaze turned to Gandalf as the dwarf stood with his arms crossed.  “If we are to leave whilst you meet with the elf am I then to assume that you will provide us with a distraction so that our departure is left unnoticed?”

 

“You would not be wrong.  If my suspicions are correct and I fear that they are, then you will need all the time that my distraction can provide in order for you to continue your quest.  I will meet you in the Misty Mountains once my business here is concluded.  I should think that I will meet with you again in less than a month’s time and if you will await my arrival I do not believe that we will lose much time.”

 

“Very well.  One month which is the time it will take to travel through the mountains and if by month’s end you have not rejoined my company then we will leave you.  I will not wait any longer than that, not now when it is so close to Durin’s Day.”

 

“Bilbo I have managed to have provisions hidden in your room and that is where you will find all that you need to complete your journey.  I trust that you will be able to move it to the balcony where the others await without being seen.”

 

“Of course I’ll make certain of it.”  Bilbo said quietly all too aware of the gazes now fixed on him again as he slipped through the doorway to begin the journey back to the quiet hallways of Rivendell.  “I’ll get started on that now as it’s already become rather late especially if we are to be gone before the dawn.”

 

“Bilbo?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Do be careful while I’m gone for I fear that a great many would be upset with me were you to come to any sort of harm.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have an actual plot but I still can't resist making scenes like this because they make me giggle. Also, once again thank you so very much for the comments and kudos.


	5. White Council

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gandalf has some explaining to do.

“He is travelling with the dwarves once more and even more he is travelling with them to face Smaug so that Erebor might once again rest within dwarven hands belonging to the line of Durin.  Have you no care for him that you would allow him to undertake so dangerous a journey?”

 

“No one and I least of all, will ever allow Bilbo Baggins to do anything.”  Gandalf said calmly as he met Elrond’s gaze.  “He has a will of his own and will not allow anyone to say what he may or may not do.  He has long since reached the age of maturity and as such is fully capable of making his own decisions.  It was his decision to follow where the dwarves will lead him and I feel that there is a great good that will come of this.”

 

“You should be protecting him not encouraging him to traipse about the countryside.  Why is it that you find it so difficult to stand aside and allow things to progress as they should?”  Saruman asked his entire demeanor being that of frustration as he tapped his staff against the cold stone.  “He should have stayed in the Shire where he might have been safe or barring that he should have remained here under the protection of Lord Elrond.”

 

Gandalf leaned forward his hands coming to rest on the table.  “Would you have me deny him the freedom that comes with making decisions for oneself?  You can seek to protect him but in the end it is he who must accept that protection.  It seems to me as though he has chosen instead to find other means of protection and whilst he is still training to become adept he has faith that those teaching him will protect him until he is able to do so himself.”

 

“If he were a dwarf then I would concede your point but the fact remains that Master Baggins is most decidedly not a dwarf and as such is an outsider according to their beliefs.  I told you when they arrived that it was far too dangerous to allow him to travel with dwarves who cannot be trusted to have his best interests at heart if those interests conflict with their own.”  Taking a seat at the table between the two wizards, Elrond sighed before tightening the grip on his anger.  “My sight of him is blocked as though a veil has been placed over my eyes.  We will be unable to know if he is need of assistance and even more we will be incapable of providing that assistance should he need it.  He is alone and it is through your actions that has even been allowed to happen.  Did we not swear when we learned of his line that we would do all we could to ensure that they were kept safe?  That what happened before would not happen again?  If he is with the dwarves when they reclaim Erebor do you think that we will be able to ensure his safety then?”

 

“You are correct but you must realize that you can only protect someone if they allow it and Bilbo Baggins has far too much of his mother’s blood in him to ever allow for someone to protect him without seeking to rectify matters so that he can protect himself rather than relying upon protection from others.  Therefore, I must ask that if you cannot trust my judgment that you trust in his.  Bilbo is a curious lad to be sure but he has already developed an innate knowledge of who is and isn’t to be trusted.  He may not fully understand the changes that are even now occurring but he trusts his instincts well enough that I do not fear overmuch for his safety and as for the remainder of his line I ask that you remember who exactly it was that mothered that line and remember well who the father of that line was.”

 

“You place a great deal of faith in one so young as he.  Particularly one who has not yet been given the dreams of warning.”  Galadriel said softly as she looked up to see the sun beginning to rise over the horizon.  “It will be as you ask and we shall place our faith in the instincts of the young one as you are correct in that he must face this danger and face it without our protection he must as I feel that this matter is not one in which we may interfere.”

 

“Thank you my lady.”

 

“Do not thank me for choosing to stand back and allow things to happen as they will.  It is very likely that what we do now will only serve to condemn him and ourselves as we watch his kind fall into history once more.”

 

“And yet at the same time it could also save him as he is still kept hidden from those who should not know that he walks these lands.  He is safer in his ignorance and the earth still has a care for the descendant of one who once cared for the creatures that walk upon it.  No other of his line has ever come as far as he has and I fear that if we do not allow this to happen now then what we strive to protect will be lost to us as surely as if we’d wielded a blade against them ourselves.”

 

The group fell into silence and the sun was rising higher above the horizon as first Saruman and then Elrond took their leave.  Standing behind the Lady as she looked out over the horizon at things he could only guess at Gandalf looked up as she spoke.  “Something moves in the shadows.  It evades our sight and I wonder if it is indeed coincidence that the shadows begin to stir as what was once thought to be lost is proven lost no longer.”

 

“With the shadows there is nothing that can ever be called coincidence.  If the shadows stir then perhaps it is a warning that darker days are coming upon us.” 

 

“Mithrandir, why did you choose him?”

 

“Why did I choose Bilbo?  Well I suppose it’s because—.”

 

“Mine ears are the only ears around to hear you speak so if you speak I would have you speak the truth.  You could have chosen any other Halfling from that line.  Any other Halfling that did not carry half so much potential as the one chosen does.  He lit Rivendell brilliantly with his light and he has yet to reach his full potential.  I think you knew this when you chose him and you have in mind for him a purpose far greater than Erebor.”  Galadriel’s brow was furrowed with puzzlement as she turned away from the horizon to look at the grey wizard standing behind her.  “Curunírhas convinced himself that you act without purpose.  That you act without thought given to the consequences of the paths you choose to tread but I know differently.  I would have you tell me what has driven you to these actions.”

 

Gandalf sighed looking up at the pale blue sky before closing his eyes.  “I have not the sight that you yourself have but I have found myself plagued by dreams that I do not remember upon waking.  When I met Thorin Oakenshield in Bree as requested I found that I could not choose anyone but Bilbo.  My feet were walking the road from Bree to the Shire before I could even begin to understand the meanings of my actions.  For good or ill, Bilbo Baggins was the one chosen and I can only hope that my actions are truly for the best.”

 

“The Maiar are not so easily led so if it is as you say that your feet began to lead you to the Shire without your conscious consent then what is happening is happening as it was meant to.”  Galadriel’s voice rang with an air of finality as she came down the steps to stand before the grey wizard.  “Dwarves were made to endure but more importantly, they are children of Aulë and I can envision no better protector for a child of Yavanna.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you so much for the comments and kudos.


	6. Long walks and bossy dwarves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After this journey is over Bilbo never wants to see let alone eat another cram biscuit.

It was all he could do to keep one foot in the front of the other.  They’d been walking since before the dawn without a break and as it was now nearing dusk he was understandably exhausted as even their meals had been eaten on while on the move.  Cram biscuits had been decent enough to eat with a bit of Bombur’s stew but alone the biscuits had less flavor than a drink of water from a stream.  Concentrating on keeping his footing he missed the worried looks Fíli and Kíli exchanged before Kíli stopped him and pulled his pack away from his sore shoulders.  “I beg your pardon!”  His tone was sharper than he’d intended as he looked up at the dwarf now slinging the pack over one shoulder.  “That is my pack you’ve taken and I’d like it back if you don’t mind.”

 

“Keep your voice down before uncle hears.”  Fíli hissed looking up ahead to make sure Thorin had missed Bilbo’s raised voice.  “You’re exhausted and Aulë knows how much longer we’ve to walk and as we’ve become rather attached to you we’d prefer it if you didn’t just keel over.”

 

Kíli spoke up as Bilbo opened his mouth to reply causing the hobbit to close it again with a disgruntled huff.  “Don’t you try to deny it either you’re not used to this kind of movement and it’s unfair that uncle is forcing you to but until we stop for the night this is all we can do to help.  He’ll notice if you keep lagging behind as you are now.  If you’re going to last until he finds a good place to settle for the evening then you’ll have to let us help you with what we can.”

 

“I don’t want special treatment and if everyone else can carry their own packs then I fail to see why I should do any differently.”

 

“Because we are used to this and you are not.”  Fíli said firmly his hand coming to rest on Bilbo’s back as he urged the hobbit to start walking again.  “It’s not special treatment because we know that if our positions were reversed you’d do the same for us.  You were already tired when we rose this morning as you were given little time to rest with all the sneaking about you had to do so that we might have provisions.”

 

“I don’t want you to carry my pack.”  Rubbing tiredly at his forehead Bilbo let his hand drop to look up at Kíli.  “Your uncle will not be happy that you are carrying my pack.  I do believe that carrying my own things was in the contract I signed and I refuse to become forsworn because I’ve allowed you to carry my things for me.”

 

“Then we’ll simply place some of my belongings in the bag and then it will be me carrying my own things and uncle will have no cause to complain.” 

 

Not having the energy to continue arguing Bilbo nodded his head and followed the remainder of the group with Fíli and Kíli by his side.  When they finally made camp for the night he quickly spread the new bedroll that was hidden with their supplies on the ground before lying down with a weary sigh.  His feet were tingling painfully and it was with relief that he lay down onto his side with his arm pillowing his head.  His breathing deepened and evened as sleep claimed him for a short while before he was awakened by Kíli insisting that he needed to wake and eat something.  Sitting up with a groan as his muscles protested the movement he leaned heavily against Kíli as the dwarf sat and pressed a bowl of food into his hands.

 

Sheer force of will kept his eyes open and his hands were shaky as he quietly ate the stew Bombur had no doubt made while he’d been lost to sleep.  “Thank you.”  He said once he’d woken enough to remember his manners.  “I don’t mean to be a bother.”

 

“You’re not a bother.”  Kíli whispered his face softening as he turned his head to look at the hobbit still leaning on him.  “On journeys it’s good to know that someone will always be there to watch your back in case you’re left in a situation where you can’t watch it yourself.  I’ve always had Fíli there to watch mine but you’ve never had anyone to watch yours, have you?”

 

“I’ve never been in a situation like this before so you’ll forgive me if I find relying on others a little difficult.”

 

“I meant no insult as it was nothing more than an observation but I think perhaps I’ve managed to come a little closer to the truth than you’d like.”

 

“Perhaps you have.”  Bilbo admitted softly while avoiding Kíli’s far too knowing gaze as he sat with the bowl of stew held loosely in his still shaking hands.  “Like Fíli  said, hobbits are gentle folk and perhaps if I’d spent more time with my cousin’s on my mother’s side of the family I’d be a bit more accustomed to having someone at my back as you say.  But I grew up in Hobbiton and the Tooks don’t live in Hobbiton.”

 

“Is that why Gandalf spoke of you always running about in the forest as a child?”

 

“It’s easier to forget that you are alone if you’re out exploring or pretending to be meeting other races.”  Bilbo said with a self-deprecating smile as he set his stew aside.  “I suppose that in the end my actions only encouraged the belief that the Took blood from my mother was stronger than the Baggins’ blood because after my father died my mother and I were accepted but we never quite belonged.  We spoke of moving to Tuckborough to stay with my mother’s family but in the end she couldn’t bear to leave the home my father had built for her.”

 

“You were kept apart for something so foolish?”

 

Looking up at the quiet fury contained in Kíli’s whisper Bilbo grabbed the dwarf’s hand and gave it a quick squeeze.  “Hobbits are a different folk.  I suppose that for a dwarf it may seem foolish but bloodlines are everything to hobbits.  Tooks may have once been respectable but well there are rumors of the Tooks marrying other races which insofar as the Shire was concerned meant that they were to be respected but never were they to be respectable.  Too much adventure could only bring attention to the Shire and we are taught as young ones to be careful of bringing too much attention to our people.”

 

 “Why would your father allow—“

 

“My father may have had his faults but not protecting us was never one of them.”   Moving to pull his hand away Bilbo looked up with wide eyes as the dwarf refused to let go and instead laced their fingers together.  “It’s—well, he did the best he could and my mother loved him too much to ever tell him how bad it had truly become.  Also I’m older now and I find that I’ve grown quite accustomed to the whispers.  I used to be a respectable hobbit but I find now that respectability isn’t really so important in the grand scheme of things.  When I return to the Shire I will do as I have always done and ignore them because I prefer my books and maps to socializing nowadays.”

 

“You’re socializing now.”  Kíli  said with a smile that turned to a frown as he leaned down and picked the bowl of stew up from the ground noting that the hobbit had left more than half of the bowl’s contents uneaten.  “You really should finish your stew.  Bombur won’t be happy if you don’t.”

 

“I’m socializing because you are, as I’ve said on multiple occasions, utterly impossible and while I’d really like to be sleeping here I am talking to you about the Shire of all things.”

 

“It’s because I’m marvelous and you’re so amazed by it that you forget your words and use impossible instead of marvelous like you should.”

 

“Marvelously annoying you mean.”  Sitting down on Bilbo’s other side Fíli pointed the chunk of bread in his hand at his brother before taking a bite.  “He’ll harass you until you’ve no choice but to talk if only to make him be silent for longer than a few moments.”

 

Bilbo gave a breathy laugh that was cut off abruptly as Fíli took that moment to shove a piece of bread in his open mouth.  “But my brother is upon occasion, very rare occasions mind you, right.  You should finish your meal before you go back to sleep for the night.  I’ve already spoken with uncle and you’ve got the night to sleep as you’re not on watch tonight.”

 

 “I was going to eat before you so rudely shoved bread into my mouth.  I am perfectly capable of feeding myself as my mother made quite sure that I understood food was for eating not playing.   Also I’m never on watch so I fail to see why the fact that I’m not on watch is something that deserves mention.”

 

“Then get to eating and I’ll stop putting bread in your mouth.”  Fíli retorted as he watched Bilbo take the bowl of stew back from Kíli.  “And you not getting a watch shift deserves mention because Balin has convinced uncle that you have adapted well enough to be trusted with a watch shift.  Not alone mind you as uncle doesn’t think you’ve adapted well enough for that but you would have had a watch tonight with Kíli  and I if I hadn’t pointed out to uncle that you’d had less sleep than any of the company.”

 

 “Oh and I’m certain that he was thrilled to hear that.”  Bilbo grumbled under his breath as he glared down at the bowl now resting on his lap.  “I am quite capable of staying up a little longer if it’s first watch and if it’s later well then I’d have at least some sleep before staying awake with the pair of you to make sure we aren’t all killed in our sleep.”

 

“You’re vicious when you haven’t slept, aren’t you?”

 

“Kíli I don’t think that’s helping any.”

 

“Nonsense, our Master Baggins here hasn’t been this nasty the entirety of the trip so I think it’s safe to say that he’s grouchy because he hasn’t slept near enough.”  Kíli smiled winningly at the hobbit’s dark glare and squeezed the hand he was still holding.  “I don’t doubt that you’d stay up with us but the point here is that we just won’t have it.  My mama I think is just as fierce as yours and as she’s still alive to whip me around I’d just as soon avoid any new reasons to have my ears boxed.”

 

“Your mother doesn’t even know that I exist and what have you done that’ll have you getting your ears boxed?”

 

“Not now she doesn’t but she will soon enough.  Once we’ve taken back Erebor and the word’s been sent with the ravens that it’s safe to come back, she’ll be here and then she’ll meet you.  And if you’re all scuffed up and just not well then she’ll start in on Fíli and I.”  Clearing his throat, Kíli lifted a hand to wag a finger at Fíli in mock disapproval while a stern expression settled onto his normally jovial features.  “Now my boys, I know that you’ve been traveling with that uncle of yours and may Mahal have pity on us all for it, but that is no excuse to go around forgetting the manners that I’ve well enough beat into the both of you.  This is why I never allowed you to have that blasted bird you were always whining on about.  If you can’t care for your burglar then how do you ever expect to care for a bird?”

 

Choking on the mouthful of stew he’d just put in his mouth Bilbo pounded on his chest with his chest getting small bits of stew on his shirt as he still held the spoon in his hand.  “A bird?  You’re comparing me to a bird?  Why in Yavanna’s name am I being compared to a bird?”

 

“Well for one the birds really do like you—“

 

“—as does every other animal it seems, considering Fíli got himself attacked by a pack of squirrels—“

 

“—I thought we weren’t ever going to speak about that again.”

 

“No you said that we weren’t ever going to talk about it again.”  Kíli and Bilbo chorused before laughing merrily at the dour look on Fíli’s face.

 

“Come now if I can be compared to a bird and harassed about birds preening my hair then certainly you can handle being reminded of the squirrels.  You weren’t hurt too badly and your face didn’t even scar although you did lose a few hair fastenings but we were able to put your hair to rights in the end.”

 

“I thanked you for helping me to fix my hair and Kíli did nothing to help so if anything he should be banned from ever bringing it up as you were the only one to help me.”

 

“That’s because you threw things at me anytime I tried to get near enough to help Bilbo clean you up.  I finally just stayed near the door because I got tired of dodging and I could walk Bilbo through braiding your hair from where it was safe.  Quite good with his hands he is, especially for one who insisted that he would only make a mess of it all.”

 

“This would be why I say that you’re incorrigible or any other number of things, Kíli.”

 

“I wouldn’t be your favorite otherwise.”

 

“Oh I have a favorite but it most assuredly is not you.”

 

Fíli and Kíli’s heads snapped around to stare at the hobbit that was looking back at them with a serene look.  “Well?  Go on then and tell us who your favorite is.”  Kíli prompted when it seemed as though the hobbit was content to do nothing more than smile at them.

 

“If I had to pick a favorite well then I suppose I would have to say it is Bofur.”

 

“Bofur!”  Kíli exclaimed his eyes widening with disbelief.  “But he made you faint!”

 

“I didn’t faint.”

 

“No you just ended up the floor of your home unconscious.  I suppose it happens all the time.”  Sarcasm thick in his voice Fíli took a bite of bread and continued speaking.  “S’pose him tellin’ you ‘bout Smaug and incineration was naught more’n a bedtime tale seein’ as ‘ow hobbits are used to hearin’ ‘bout things like that.”

 

“I’ll admit that it was disturbing to hear but I think you talking with your mouth full is far more disturbing than that could ever be.”  Bilbo’s face paled as he watched bits of bread fall from Fíli’s mouth to the ground below before he inched away from the blonde and closer to Kíli.  “Bofur thus far has not gotten me into nearly the amount of trouble the pair of you have.  I was covered in troll snot , nearly eaten by the half-wits and if that wasn’t bad enough my efforts to stall for time was almost undone because Yavanna forbid that either of you understand that what I was saying wasn’t meant to be a slight.”

 

“We came back for you!”

 

“Yes after you told me to hoot like an owl and then disappeared the moment I turned back to see what madness you were trying to tell me.”

 

“But I still came back for you and kept them from eating you.” 

 

“That you did.”  Bilbo said agreeably as he set the empty bowl down near their feet before looking up at Kíli’s indignant face and his own softened.  “I never did thank you for that did I?”

 

“No you haven’t and let me tell you that I got the most awful scolding from uncle about going after you without waiting for the rest of the company to arrive.”

 

“Then it would seem as though I am in your debt, Master Kíli.”  Bilbo said as he bowed his head.  “What would you ask of me in recompense?”

 

“Is it common for hobbits to owe one another for the saving of a life?” 

 

“Common?  I wouldn’t say that it’s common but I suppose that has a lot to do with the fact that as a whole us hobbits are rather gentle folk.  We don’t often find ourselves in situations where we’re needing rescue so if we do then a debt is owed and it is a debt that we will do anything to repay.”

 

“Anything?”   Fíli’s eyes widened as he caught sight of his brother’s fingers interlaced with those of hobbit and met his brother’s defensive look with a smile and a shake of his head.  “Are there no limits placed on what may or may not be taken as payment for the debt?”

 

“Of course there are.  It’s not something we like to speak about but everyone knows when a debt is owed and we also know what’s been taken as payment for that debt.  If the Thain felt that what was taken was of greater value than the services rendered then the debt will be cancelled and the one owed will receive naught but a reprimand for trying to take too much.  We believe in honoring our debts but we will not stay silent if we feel that there is an injustice being dealt.”

 

“We meaning the hobbits of the Shire or your mother’s family?”

 

Flushing at Kíli’s questioning look Bilbo ducked his head before his chin was grasped by calloused fingers and his head was lifted so that he could see Kíli’s look of concern.  “Hobbits will speak up if they feel that it goes too far.  In that aspect, family has little to do with it.”  He said hurriedly before pulling away from the dwarve and decided to change the subject as Kíli opened his mouth.  “Earlier you said Mahal and if it’s not an inconvenience I was wondering if you could maybe explain to me who Mahal is.”

 

Immediately he knew that perhaps he ought to have picked a different topic as both Kíli and Fíli stiffened and exchanged looks of hesitance tinged with alarm.  “I don’t mean to pry and if it’s none of my business please tell me so and I will not ask again.”

 

“Mahal,” Fíli whispered with a worried glance towards the rest of the company.  “Mahal is the name given to our Creator.  It is his true name and in keeping with our traditions, it is a name that is kept hidden away from the outside.  You would know him as Aulë.”

 

“Khazad true names are one of our greatest secrets.  It is said that Durin was the one to start the tradition with his children after he realized that the Khazad would never know true acceptance in Arda.”  Kíli picked up his brother’s explanation as the three huddled closer together.  “Our uncle will have our heads if he knows that we’ve told you.”

 

“If he learns of it I swear that it won’t be because I have said anything I ought not to have said.”  Bilbo replied in a soft voice before looking up to see Thorin looking at their little gathering suspiciously.  “I think lads that it would be best to change the subject now as your uncle is staring at us and I for one have no desire to be scolded like a child before I go back to sleep.”

 

Kili laughed his dark hair falling into his face as he leaned closer to Bilbo.  “If anyone would be getting a scolding it would be Fili and I.”

 

“I somehow doubt that as your uncle’s look quite reminds me of my cousin Lobelia’s.”

 

“Lobelia?”

 

“I haven’t told you about her?  Well she was a Bracegirdle before she married my cousin Otho…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And just in case I haven't already said this, thank you so much for the comments and kudos.


	7. Conversations by the fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kíli talks some sense into Fíli because what else are little brothers for?

The fire was low when Kíli returned with an armful of wood and quietly built the fire back up before sitting next to his brother.  The pair sat in silence listening to the sounds of their sleeping companions and the crackling fire.  Swallowing against the nervous fluttering of his stomach Fíli finally broke the silence, his voice a soft whisper.  “You know that there are many among our people who would be unhappy to hear that you had settled your affections on a hobbit.”

 

“Who I give my affections to is my business alone and even if it were somehow their business it makes no difference as my affections are my own.”  Kíli said heatedly, his eyes dark as he glared at the fire before with a sigh he lifted his head to look at his brother.  “But I’m not the only one who has chosen to settle their affections on our dear Master Baggins.”

 

“Your affections are the only affections that he’ll accept without reservation making any other would-be claim irrelevant.”

 

“Oh but that’s not quite true, now is it brother?  I don’t believe that it’s been true for quite a while or at the least since our arrival in Rivendell.  Surely you’ve noticed how he cares for you?”

 

“All good friends care for one another.  Especially Bilbo as I don’t think he knows how  _not_  to care.”  Fíli said dismissively as he leaned his elbows over his knees, missing the calculating gleam that appeared in his brother’s eyes before it was hidden away.  “I’ll admit that I didn’t think much of him at first.  I thought that uncle had the right of it when he said he looked more like a grocer than the burglar we needed.  Thankfully for Bilbo’s sake you refused to listen to uncle so you were there to constantly remind me that Gandalf would not have chosen him if he were not capable in some way.”  Looking up at his brother Fíli chuckled and shook his head before continuing.  “Even if he does think that the best way to save us from a trio of trolls is by telling them that we have parasites.”

 

Kíli’s gaze turned to their burglar with emotions dancing in his eyes.  “He’s very good at hiding parts of himself away.  I’m more than certain that the only people he’s talked to at length since his mother’s passing has been his gardener and the occasional hobbit at the market.  For all that he speaks longingly of home I never hear him speak of the people he’ll miss.  It’s always how he misses his armchair or his books but never any one person.”

 

“And if we let him he’ll go back to that life without a second thought.”

 

“Ah and that’s the crux of it all, isn’t it?  If we let him then he will leave Erebor to return to the Shire because Bag End is all he’s known and he doesn’t feel comfortable enough to assume that other’s will care for him.  He doesn’t expect anyone to fight to keep him because his parents were the last to do so and they’re gone.”  Glancing at his brother from the corner of his eye Kíli was pleased to see the look of disgruntlement that adorned his brother’s face.  “I don’t want him to go and I don’t think that you want him to go either.  So then that leaves us with the problem of what we can do to stop him.”

 

“I think that what is needed to keep him leaving is to have you actually make it known to him that your affections have been settled.  That is of course if you’re certain that he is the one.”  Fíli said with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes.  “He cares for you a great deal and if he were to know that his affections were returned it could give him the incentive he needs to choose to remain with us in Erebor.”

 

 “Yes us and not just I, brother.  I will not offer if you are not beside me.”

 

Startled Fíli turned to look at his brother who was looking back at him with a somber expression.  “If you would feel more comfortable then I will stand with you—.”

 

“Not stand with me.  I want you to be there as we both offer.”  Kíli said as he turned to fully face his brother.  “You’ve always been like this.  Always making certain that I am able to get what I truly want even if it means that you have to go without.  I’m not a child anymore, brother.  I know that if I offer while you stand aside that you will do your duty and find a dwarf woman to marry but inside you will be dead.  If you won’t make an offer alongside of me then I swear to Mahal that I won’t either.  I won’t let you continue to do this anymore, do you hear me?”

 

“Kíli—.”

 

“No!”  Kíli struggled to keep his voice low as his anger grew and his eyes burned in a way that they hadn’t for years.  “I swear to you that I will never speak to him of what I feel if you will not admit to what it is that you feel.  Mother told me to let you have your way because it was one of the few things that you could control but… Mahal take it, Fíli!  How can you ask me to watch you stand aside like your feelings mean nothing?”

 

Fíli remained silent listening to the sounds of his brother’s harsh breathing his eyes downcast as he traced the seams of his pants with his fingers.  “When you were born uncle told me that you would be the youngest of our line and as your older brother I could do our family no greater honor than by ensuring that you were always taken care of.  I didn’t think anything of it until mother allowed me to hold you for the first time and you immediately started chewing on my hair.”  Looking up at his brother Fíli let out a sigh as he ran a hand down his face.  “I swore then that I’d never let you want for anything and family pride be damned.  You reminded our family of what it was like to smile and laugh or find enjoyment in any number of things that seemed so inconsequential before you were born which is why I fought with uncle to get you the archery lessons that you were so determined to have.”

 

“Family doesn’t mean that you have to sacrifice all that you are and could be.  You’ve sacrificed too much for me and what kind of brother would I be if I let you sacrifice your own happiness for mine?”

 

“But you wouldn’t be sacrificing my happiness for your own because if you are happy then by extension so am I.”

 

“Not with something like this, Fíli.  I can’t let you do this.  I can’t let you stand aside and then watch as you become a shadow because your light has gone.  You think that you would be saving my happiness when in the end you would be killing it.  We are brothers and we’ve always shared everything.  Everything that could be shared has been shared so tell me why you think that this must be any different.”

 

“Why can you not let this go?”

 

“Because you won’t fight for it!”  Reaching forward Kíli wrapped a hand around the back of his brother’s neck and leaned in until their foreheads were touching.  “You were the one constant I had throughout our lives and if I learned nothing else, it is that without you by my side, I am nothing.  So how can you ask me to let go of the one person that we have found that could accept the both of us?  How is it that _you_ can let that possibility go?  We’ve known since we were young that there was always a chance that our affections could separate us and now that we’ve found that we were wrong why won’t you let us try?”

 

Eyes closed Fíli bit his lip and focused on calming his breathing and racing heart.  When he opened his eyes he was met with his brother’s pleading gaze.  “Do you remember what we told our mother when we were little more than children?”

 

“You’ll have to be a bit more specific than that, Fíli.”  Kíli’s voice was cautious his eyes filling with hope as he felt his brother relaxing.  “There was a lot that we told mama when we were children.” 

 

Fíli snorted his lips twitching with amusement as he pulled away.  “That’s because you were always getting us into trouble which meant she’d end up lecturing us but I’m talking about when she sat us down to explain to us about the gift Yavanna gave to the Khazad.”

 

“When we told her that we’d only settle if we could marry the same person?”  Kíli’s face was alight with a desperate hope that caused Fíli to ache for the pain he’d unintentionally caused.  “You mean—“

 

“If you are certain that this is what you truly desire then yes.”

 

Pulling his brother into his arms, Kíli squeezed him tightly before releasing him and leaning back.  “I swear to you that I have not wanted anything more than this.”

 

“Uncle will not be happy.”

 

“Uncle can go find somewhere else to scowl if he doesn’t approve.  Would he stop us do you think?”

 

“And be forced to deal with our mother’s rage once she learned of it?”  Snorting as he shook his head Fíli draped his arms back over his bent knees.  “Uncle I think would leave us to it but that doesn’t mean that he would make it easy for us.  Remember that he knows the traditions far better than any dwarf here, except perhaps for Balin, and he will take advantage of those traditions to ensure that our suit is true.”

 

“He would do that especially as mother said that he had father sneaking about so that uncle couldn’t interfere with their courtship.  How long do you think we have before he notices what we’re doing?”

 

“Considering that he somehow always knows when we’re planning something I don’t think we would have very long.  But our greatest problem won’t be uncle trying to inconvenience us.  No, I think our problem will be in convincing Bilbo that for us there will most likely be no other even if he passes to the Halls to await us there.”

 

“Are you—,” Kíli froze as his eyes caught sight of movement near the edge of camp.  Motioning to his brother to keep quiet, he stood with slow movements as he nocked an arrow and waited.  His mouth dropped with amazement as a small fox with a large fish in its mouth trotted into the light of the camp.  The animal stared at him for a long moment before darting over to Bilbo’s bedroll and dropping the fish on the ground before curling up next to the hobbit. 

 

“Do you reckon that’s the same fox from Rivendell?”  Voice hushed Kíli watched as the fox nuzzled a stirring Bilbo back into sleep.  “Should we move it away?”

 

“I think we’re more likely to get in trouble for waking Bilbo than we would be if we were to wait until morning.  He needs sleep and it’s only halfway through our watch.  I’d rather deal with an upset Bilbo that’s had a full night’s sleep than a sleep deprived Bilbo.  Less likely to walk away with missing parts I think.”

 

“But what if he wakes with the fox on him again and then he’s still grumpy because he was awoken by the fox?”

 

“Then either way we’ll be getting yelled at.  Let’s just keep an eye on him and make sure the animals don’t decide to start snacking on him in the night.  In the morning we’ll ask him if he spoke with Gandalf about this before we left Rivendell and if he hasn’t then we’ll make certain that it’s the first thing he does once Gandalf rejoins us.”

 

“Agreed.”  Kíli replied his gaze rapt as he watched the fox continue to nuzzle at the sleeping hobbit.  “Fíli?”

 

“Hmmm?”

 

“You’re not going to change your mind once we wake, are you?”

 

“No.  No, my answer will still be the same once the sun rises.  In the morning we’ll begin to work on convincing him to accept that our affections have been settled.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smaller chapter this go around but the next will be longer. This should go without saying but thank you for the lovely, lovely comments and kudos.


	8. Night terrors, foxes and scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dream is only a dream because it has to be a dream. It has to be a dream because if it isn't a dream then that means it's a memory and he doesn't know that he'll ever be ready to deal with it should it prove to not be a dream.

He dreams and he know that he dreams because the colors are so vivid and yet so blurred that it can’t be real.  It can’t be real, he whispers to himself as he runs through a forest echoing with screams, howls and sounds he never, ever wants to hear again.  Sounds that he thinks he knows.  Sounds that are familiar and yet at the same time not because he doesn’t want to acknowledge that this feels more like a memory than a dream.  It’s a dream because he won’t accept anything else, he thinks with a grim smile as he clutches at the pain in his side while he forces his legs to keep moving.  He has to move.  He has to keep running because this pain will be nothing compared to what will be waiting if he stops for a moment, a sweet blessed moment to catch his breath.  That’s when he stumbles.  He stumbles with his hands flying out to catch his fall even as he tries to roll into the fall because even if he’s doomed that doesn’t mean he’s going to stop running. 

 

He’ll keep running until the bitter end because at the end of all things he is a Took and a Took does not give up.  A Took does not bow submissively as Death approaches to take them to the Halls.  No, no a Took will never bow submissively because their blood will stir and scream at them to move.  Scream at them to stand tall and proud as they look at Death without fear.  No fear, never fear because fear is for those who have resigned themselves to the inevitable but the inevitable is only inevitable if one has given up and he hasn’t.  He hasn’t given up because he wants to look his mother in the eye again.  He wants to hug his grandfather knowing that he has proven himself worthy of the blood that flows through his veins.  Hissing as his side burns with pain he picks himself up from the ground and continues his desperate run through a forest that he knows.  He knows because he once ran through these forests as a boy and that’s when it happens.  He hears a horrible voice behind him and as he turns to look he hears a snarl from the forest ahead of him—

 

He wakes with a gasp his hands flying to his side where a knotted white scar curls along his ribcage.  It’s just a dream, he tells himself desperately forcing away the tears burning at the corners of his eyes,  because that’s not how he got his scar.  It’s not.  It can’t be.  It can’t be because he won’t accept anything else even as doubt gnaws at his mind and turns certainty into uncertainty.  He jumps as he hears a soft whine and looks down to see a small fox standing next to his bedroll.  The fox was the same menace that had been curled up on his chest in Rivendell.  It was an absurd notion and yet, he couldn’t shake the feeling that it was indeed the same fox.  Sighing as he sat up and looked down at the pleading eyes of the fox as it nosed at his hand he looked skyward before lifting his hand and stroking the surprisingly soft fur.  He was never going to be rid of it.  He knew that as well as he knew his own name as the fox was now quite happily leaning into his hand with a soft yip of contentment.  “Are you going to be keeping him?” 

 

Looking up in surprise to find Kíli squatting down next to him, Bilbo flushed to the tips of his ears at the look of concern in the dwarf’s eyes.  “I—well that is—I can’t very well just leave him behind can I?”

 

“I reckon you could as he’s old enough to be away from his family.”  Kíli said thoughtfully his head tilting to the side as he inspected the fox.  “But it seems to me that he’s rather attached to you because he bit me and tugged on my coat until I got up to check on you.  Are you okay?”

 

Bilbo opened his mouth to lie and say yes but instead found himself shaking his head as the fingers not running through soft fur brushed against the ridged scar hidden beneath his shirt and for a moment he wanted nothing more than to be in the safety of his home.  “Night terror.”  He managed to say through the lump of emotion swelling in his throat and forcing him to clear his throat before he could continue.  “I must look terribly silly.  A grown hobbit shaking because of a night terror—.”

 

“Never.  Don’t you dare think that Bilbo.  Night terrors don’t care overmuch for how old you are or whether it’s a good time to have one or not.  Not that there ever is a good time to have one.”

 

Kíli ’s voice was soft and his tone a soothing balm to the raw emotions that the night terror had produced and Bilbo found himself calming enough to look up and smile wanly.  “No I don’t suppose that they would be quite that discerning would they?  All the same I am sorry that you were awoken by this silly fox,” and yelps as the fox nips at his fingers in a gentle reprimand.  “Goodness but you’re a rather feisty little thing aren’t you?”

 

“I don’t think you’ll ever be rid of that fox.”  Kíli  said with amusement as he watched Bilbo placate the animal with a few scratches along a white belly.  His amusement turned to dismay as he took note of the fine tremor racking Bilbo’s small body and the almost absent way the hobbit was rubbing his side with a poorly hidden wince of remembered pain.  “He brought you a fish but Fíli figured that you wouldn’t be too pleased at waking to find yourself smelling of fish so he gutted it and left it by the fire so Bombur can use it for breakfast.”

 

“Did he now?”

 

“If he’s bringing you food then it means that for whatever reason he’s decided that you belong to him.  Foxes only bring food to their family and it’s always the lower ranked foxes that go hunting for food.”  Chuckling at Bilbo’s startled look, Kíli stood and held out his hand.  “Now up you get.  It’s still a few hours before dawn and if your night terrors are anything like mine then you won’t be able to sleep easily.  We’ll move your bedroll and you can kip with Fíli and I until daybreak.”  For a moment he was certain that the hobbit would refuse and stubbornly remain awake until the dawn when with a weary sigh a small hand was placed within his own and he pulled Bilbo to his feet with a grin.  “Now let’s get your things and your um… fox so we can get some more sleep.”

 

“I don’t remember ever saying that he was my fox.”

 

“And I don’t think that you have much a choice but less talking and more moving please.”

 

“So you say and I suppose that if he’s followed me from Rivendell then you must be right.”  Bilbo murmured as they gathered his belongings after shoo-ing the fox aside and followed Kíli over to where Fíli  lay watching the pair of them.  “Although I don’t believe that your uncle will care much as to whether the fox has decided I’m his or not.”

 

“Leave uncle to me.”  Rising from the ground Fíli helped to move the bedrolls so that Kíli  could set Bilbo’s down between them.  “As long as it can provide for itself then I’m certain that I can talk him to reason now can we please lay down and go back to sleep.”

 

Setting his pack on the ground Bilbo glared at Kíli when the dwarf opened his mouth and crossed his arms until he laid down with exaggerated movements.  “Don’t start arguing because if you start then it won’t matter that I’ve moved my things.  The pair of you will continue arguing until your uncle wakes and I don’t think my nerves are quite up to dealing with your uncle just yet.  So if it’s all the same to you I’d really like to lie down myself and… why is my bedroll between yours?”

 

“Night terrors are a nasty business and when you’re lying in the dark with your eyes closed it’s easier to feel safe if you know that there are others beside you.”  Fíli replied as he finished settling his bedding and crawling back onto them.  “Just make sure your fox doesn’t try to eat my hair and I think we’ll make it through what’s left of the night just fine.”

 

“This really isn’t—”

 

“Bilbo.”

 

“—very seemly—”

 

“Bilbo.”

 

“—although I don’t think that I can even be considered respectable anymore—”

 

“Bilbo!”

 

“—and my mother would of course—yes?”

 

“Stop worrying about whether it’s seemly or not and just lay down.  Your reputation is safe with us, I promise you that on the honor of our family.”  Sitting back up Fíli tugged at the hobbits pants until he was finally lying down with his cloak settling around his small shoulders.  “If you get uncomfortable just tell us to budge over and I swear it won’t hurt our feelings none.”

 

Bilbo yawned as he settled comfortably between the brothers and felt the fox curl up near his head.  “My reputation would be quite ruined, you know.  It would be quite the scandal and I’d never be able to show my face in Hobbiton again.”

 

“But you’re not in the Shire anymore and if you were then we’d protect your reputation as fiercely as we would our own.”

 

“You shouldn’t,” Bilbo yawned again his eyes heavy as he fought sleep.  “You shouldn’t say things like that Fíli.”

 

“And why not?”

 

“Because only family should care so much for another’s reputation.”

 

Fíli waited until the hobbit’s breathing evened out with sleep before moving closer and running his hand through soft curls.  “You were right to bring him to rest with us but this isn’t what I meant when I said we would start in the morning.  For one, dawn is still hours away and for another we will need to go slowly.”

 

“Aye but better that he get accustomed to thinking of Fíli and Kíli instead of just Kíli .  It will make settling our affections ever so much easier.”

 

“This may well be the only time I say this but you are right.”  Drawing his hand away Fíli closed his eyes and let the feeling of contentment wash over him as it lulled him into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update probably won't be up until Monday night unless I manage to get this next chapter ironed out early. As always, thank you everyone for the comments and kudos.


	9. His name is not Menace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fíli talks to Thorin about Menace the fox. Kíli decides that Menace is a really good name for a fox and Bilbo wonders what he's gotten himself in to.

“Our burglar is a menace that I wouldn’t wish on an elf and now you want me to allow him to keep a fox that’s followed him from Rivendell?”

 

“Bilbo,” Fíli stressed the name as he looked at his irritated uncle who was leaning against a tree with arms crossed.  “His name is Bilbo and the fox is named Menace.”

 

“He’s named it?”

 

“Well he couldn’t very well continue to call it Fox now could he?  Even though I think the name was meant in jest but now that Kíli has decided it’s an excellent name I don’t believe that Bilbo will be successful in changing it to anything else.”

 

“If it won’t be joining our company then it shouldn’t matter whether the blasted thing has a name or not.”  Thorin hissed as he wondered not for the last time why his eldest nephew had to take after his mother like he did.  “Rations are a concern as it is now.  There is nothing that can be spared for a fox and even had there been enough to spare, I will remind you of where we are journeying.  Think you Smaug will care that the animal has a name before it’s either eaten or burned to ashes?”

 

“Considering that animals have a highly developed sense of what not to go near I don’t think that would be a problem and Menace is fully capable of providing his own meals.  How do you think Bombur got the fish he used to make the fish soup we had for breakfast?”

 

“That’s where—.”  Thorin stopped himself midsentence before shaking his head.  “Even assuming that the fox is indeed able to provide for itself that does not change the fact that the journey we are on is a dangerous one.  We have neither the time nor the resources to care for a fox that the halfling has found and decided to make a pet.”

 

“He didn’t find it and he most certainly didn’t choose to make Menace a pet.  We journey to take back our home and in doing so have taken him from his so that he might help us.”  Fíli countered as he took a step forward to look at his uncle with the most pitiful look he could muster.  “Is it so wrong to let him have even a little comfort whilst on this journey?  His people are a gentle folk and this journey will undoubtedly leave him a changed hobbit which may leave him outcast in the end.  We’ve done him a great disservice in forgetting that this journey will have consequences that he alone will have to bear.”

 

“We cannot simply pick up every wayward creature we see and take it along with us.  The one we already have is only now beginning to carry his own weight instead of relying on other’s to carry it for him.”

 

Keeping his lips from twitching was no easy feat but somehow he managed to keep the smirk from showing.  That his uncle’s protests were growing harsher was unsettling to listen to but like his mother, Fíli knew that only meant he was now willing to listen.  “It is only a single fox away from its family that surely still await it within the forests of Rivendell, uncle.  For whatever reason it has chosen Bilbo as its new family and foxes are protective of their family.  If anything, this should be a blessing as we will now have a new addition that is capable of hunting and has already shown itself to be willing to provide for us.”

 

“And if it cannot keep our pace?”

 

“Then I will carry it.”

 

“You already have your own pack and provisions to carry.”  Thorin said his gaze turning contemplative as he looked at his nephew.  “Tell me why you would do this.  Tell me why it is that you are so insistent on gaining my permission and I will allow it.”

 

“Why?”  Fíli repeated his jaw going slack before he could gather himself and shake the shock of his uncle’s question off.  He closed his mouth and took a moment to compose himself whilst thinking of various answers he could give his uncle in the hopes that they would be accepted before settling on giving a variation of the truth.  “He cares for us and not us as the heirs of the great Thorin Oakenshield but us as Fíli and Kíli.  The rewards that await him should we prove to be successful matter little to him.  It is not something that we are willing to lose and so we have decided that if we can make this journey even a bit easier for him then we shall do so.  Carrying a small fox is not so big a strain when compared to the items that we already carry.  My swords weigh more than Menace.”  Fíli stopped talking hoping that he hadn’t revealed too much, too soon because as much as his uncle loved them, he knew that the biggest hurdle they would have in settling their affections would be in gaining their uncle’s approval. 

 

“I have failed you and your brother in taking so long to reclaim Erebor.  Had you grown up in the halls that your mother and I knew in our youth, your upbringing would have been vastly different and you would have been surrounded by children who would have been closer in rank to you.”

 

“Your reputation is well deserved uncle but even you cannot slay a dragon by yourself.   You cannot take the blame for something that Smaug caused as it happened through no fault of your own.”  Stepping forward Fíli kept his voice low as he looked at the pain in his uncle’s eyes before it was shuttered beneath the iron grip the older dwarf kept on his emotions.  “You kept our mother from having to work after our father died.  You ensured that we had everything we needed to grow whilst at the same time working yourself to the bone to ensure that our people had the basic necessities.  Allow me to say that failure is the furthest thing from my mind when I think on you and what you have done for us, uncle.”

 

 “Keep the blasted thing away from me and the first time that it proves itself to be nothing more than a nuisance then you will take it into the forest and ensure that it will follow us no longer, am I clear?”

 

 “Very.”  A pause and then, “thank you.”

 

Thorin sighed and clapped his nephew on the shoulder before leaving to rejoin the company.  “Don’t thank me.  You will be the one to explain to your mother as to how you’ve acquired both a pet halfling and a pet fox.”

 

…

 

“Why does everyone insist on belittling me and comparing me to animals of all things?”  Bilbo huffed with his hand lifting to swipe irritably at the tail flicking his nose.  “None of that now as this is entirely your fault.”  He told the fox who yipped at him before jumping onto Kíli’s shoulder as they walked.  “I should very much like to say that I find it offensive that I am seen as a pet.”

 

“But you would make the most adorable pet, Bilbo.”  Fíli teased, his arm draping over the hobbit’s shoulder after some hesitance and a look of encouragement from his brother.  “All joking aside though, I know that you are far more than a simple pet could ever be and I think uncle knows that as well but well…”

 

“We will see Ilúvatar himself walk these lands before your uncle will admit that.”

 

“I wouldn’t put it quite like that.”

 

“I think Thorin has invented new ways to call me a burden.  Or baggage that just so happens to have the ability to walk and talk.”

 

Kíli winced at the matter of fact tone to Bilbo’s voice.  “He doesn’t yet know you but this journey is still far from completed.  There are many miles that still separate us from home and journeys have a way of bringing the most unlikely of beings together.  After all who would expect a company of dwarves to travel with a wizard, a hobbit and a pet fox named Menace?”

 

“Kíli?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Have you always been this naïve or is this something that has only recently been developed?  Also please stop calling him Menace.  We’ve already discussed this and I thought we had both come to the conclusion that his name was most decidedly not Menace.”

 

“There is a substantial difference between being naïve and being optimistic.”  Fíli answered as they continued to follow behind the rest of the company.   “Naïve means that you are innocent and thus don’t know how to do anything but believe the best of people and situations.  Optimistic means that you have had your eyes opened to the ways of the world and yet you still chose to believe the best of people and situations.  ‘Tis a good thing to have whilst on a journey that could end in incineration at the snout of an angry dragon.  Also you really are quite irritable when you haven’t slept as well as you should, aren’t you?”

 

Elbowing Fíli none too gently, Bilbo smiled beatifically at the now cursing dwarf as he pulled his arm away to press a hand against his aching side.  “I had not realized that Bofur was walking next to me.  If I require a reminder that I was insane and that the insanity is most certainly a trait from the Took side of the family I will ask but in the meantime will you please stop talking about incineration?  Also, while we’re talking about Bofur, is there a reason that the both of you had to drag me away from the conversation I was having with him this morning?  It was, I must say, a most enjoyable conversation.”

 

“Menace was looking for you!”

 

“Kíli please refrain from insulting my intelligence and stop calling him Menace.  He is a fox and the last I’d checked, foxes were quite capable of using scent to track prey so why should it be any different whilst he was looking for me?”

 

“He didn’t know Bofur’s scent.”  Kíli replied seizing the first reasonable explanation he could find and hoping that Bilbo would accept it.  “He slept with the three of us last night,” and that blush on Bilbo’s face was very fetching Kíli decided.  “So the only scents he knew reasonably well were ours and as there wasn’t an opportune moment to introduce him to the rest of the company how could you ask him to follow a strange scent?”

 

Bilbo wasn’t thoroughly convinced but decided to drop the matter as he accepted Fíli’s help in climbing over a fallen log.  The brothers had acted oddly since they’d awoken to find that both had slung an arm over him in their sleep while Bilbo’s head was tucked beneath Fíli’s chin.  Feeling his cheeks grow warm at the memory Bilbo hurriedly pushed it away and concentrated instead on the rocky ground beneath his feet.  It was strange to be so accepted by these dwarves even if their leader was the most obstinate creature he’d ever had the misfortune to meet.  They were changing him.  Slowly forcing him to become more like the hobbit he’d been as a child.  The child that had no real concept of personal space and was as likely to hug his mother for no reason as he was to climb a tree simply to see how far he could see from its topmost branches.

 

This journey was good for him.  It may not end well but, he thought with a sideways glance at the brothers still walking beside him, he could think of worse ways to end his life.  They were the best friends he’d wished for as a child as he ran through the forests.  They irritated, teased and outright yanked him from the shell that had begun to form the day his father had died.  Even his mother had never been told some of the things that he told to them so willingly and with a trust that scared him.  It scared him because he was not one accustomed to trusting easily if at all and yet with them it all seemed so natural.  Natural because he cared for them and perhaps one day, he could even lo—. 

 

Breath catching in his throat Bilbo stopped, hearing the roaring beat of his own heart as he panicked over the word he’d very nearly thought.  He’d sworn that he would never love after watching his mother pine away after the death of his father.  No, no, no, no confound these dwarves for making him so off-center that he was beginning to confuse his own emotions.  It was impossible that he could love them or they him.  At the end of this journey they would go their separate ways and they were friends but even the best of friends will find a day where each must travel their own path.  It was only coincidence that had led to them walking the same path and whilst he would enjoy it while it was there, he was under no delusions as to what would be expected of them all at journey’s end.  Love is only love if you acknowledge it, he decided, and if he refused to acknowledge it then they could continue to be friends.  Walking quickly to catch up to his friends he idly wondered why if they were friends did the thought of being only friends make him so sad?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was ready to strangle this chapter. I've rewritten it 6 (7?) times now and I've given up. I think this is as good as it gets. As always, thank you to everyone for the comments and kudos. They are what keep me going when I'm ready to headdesk from the frustration of forcing the muses to behave themselves.


	10. Red Snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memories can be painful things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would just like to say now that it's like ripping off a band-aid. Best to take off in one quick go.

It was completely and utterly ridiculous that he’d been reduced to sneaking around but here he was depending on Bofur and Menace to distract Fíli and Kíli long enough for him to speak with Balin about the watch rotations.  He really did let them get away with too much, he thought with a fond smile that quickly turned to a scowl, but he was not going to let them get away with interrupting every single conversation that he had with anyone else.  He was going to ensure that he was able to have an uninterrupted conversation and he would do it in a way that would leave them with no way to protest.  Absorbed in his thoughts Bilbo missed Balin standing near the edge of the camp watching him with a look of amusement.  “Managed to sneak away from the lads, have you?”

 

“Balin!  I didn’t see you standing there!”  Jumping with one hand pressed to his chest Bilbo’s voice was slightly shriller than normal as he yelped in surprise.  “And yes I suppose that I did manage to sneak away from them but that’s only because Bofur and Menace are distracting them for me.”

 

“It’ll only work this once so don’t plan on it working again.  Thorin’s trained the lads well and they won’t be fooled by the same trick twice.”

 

“I’ll be sure to keep that in mind but I was rather hoping that I wouldn’t need to be sneaking around again.  Honestly, I’ve no idea what’s gotten into those two lately.”  Bilbo replied almost absently as looked behind him to make certain that Fíli and Kíli were still being distracted.  “I was hoping to speak with you about perhaps… well changing the watch rotation a bit so that I could speak with Bofur and Ori without having those two dragging me off.  Normally I would just ignore them and go about finishing what I was doing but they—well they give me such woebegone looks that I find myself unable to do so.”

 

“Aye that’s something that I can help you with laddie as I don’t expect that they’ll be stopping that anytime soon.  Or perhaps they will but I’m thinking that everything will depend on your response, which seeing as you’re doing this instead of demanding that they stop well, I think that the lads have a very good chance.”

 

Eyes narrowing as Balin chuckled Bilbo took another glance back to see that Fíli and Kíli were now trying to get away from the pair he’d left distracting them.  “Balin?  Do you know what’s going on and why they’ve suddenly become like they are?  I haven’t been able to sleep alone in days and only this morning I was speaking with Bofur for what couldn’t have been longer than a minute or two before they came over to pull me away.”

 

“Oh aye.  Anyone with eyes to see can see what those lads are up to although I must say that I’m quite surprised that they chose to do so now rather than wait until the end of our journey unless it is because they want to ensure… Ah yes, that must be it.”

 

“What must be it?”  Bilbo asked as he fiddled with the clasp of his cloak.  “Will you please explain to me what’s going on and what in Yavanna’s good name it has to do with me?”

 

“I could but it’s not my place to do so, lad.”  Balin said not unkindly as he took a few steps away from Bilbo.  “They will tell you themselves make no mistake but in the meantime remember that while dwarves were made to endure that it does not mean that we will stand idly by.”

 

“How—how is that supposed to help me exactly?”

 

“Trust me laddie that it will be of great help when the time comes now I think your lads are here to retrieve your wayward self.  I’ll be speaking to Thorin about the watch rotation so that you can have some time to yourself and so that you can speak with your friends.”

 

“Bilbo!  Did you tell Menace to bite me?!”

 

“Oh dear I suppose I should have been a bit more specific when I asked for a distraction.”  Bilbo murmured to himself with a small chuckle as he turned to face an irate Kíli who was holding a yipping Menace by the scruff.  “I’m certain that he didn’t mean to bite you.  Well this time at least.  When he bit you yesterday it was entirely a bite that you brought upon yourself by teasing him with that ridiculous feather of all things.  But you’ve found me so I suppose that you must now take me back as you’ve been doing every single day of this week.  Though if I may I’d like to request that I be allowed to walk by myself as I’ve proven myself quite adept in the skill of walking.”

 

“Of course you can walk by yourself.  You’re neither too young nor too old to do so.”

 

“Thank you.  I’ll remind you of that the next time you feel the need to pick me up and sling me over your shoulder like a bag of potatoes.”  Bickering as they walked Bilbo pulled Menace away from Kíli and into his arms as they joined a waiting Fíli who was sitting atop their bedrolls.  “Should I assume from the bedrolls that I will once again be sleeping here?”

 

“Your assumption would be right.”  Fíli answered with a tired smile as watched Menace climb off Bilbo’s lap to go trotting off to hunt for his evening meal.  “Kíli and I sleep better when you’re there and I know that you do as well as your night terror has yet to return.”

 

Giving a noncommittal hum Bilbo lay down on the bedroll with a quiet moan of contentment as he wriggled about before settling in a comfortable position on his side facing Fíli.  “Thankfully we’ve none of us watch tonight so we’ll be able to sleep through the night.  Which will be quite nice I should think.  Especially for you Fíli, you’ve been looking rather peaky all day and I think perhaps you ought to lie down as well and get some sleep before you end up ill.”

 

“Aye it can’t hurt any I suppose.”

 

“Good good.”  Bilbo said as he watched through half closed eyes as Fíli lay down with a weary sigh and heard Kíli do the same behind him.  Lying comfortably on his bedroll he closed his eyes and waited for the breathing of the brothers to smooth out as sleep laid its claim over them.  Waiting a few moments longer to be certain they were asleep Bilbo moved closer to Fíli and tilted his head forward until his forehead was resting against Fíli’s chest.  Breathing in the by now familiar scent of the dwarf he smiled as Kíli moved closer to him and draped an arm over his waist in his sleep.  What had his life become that he could not sleep unless he was in contact with them, he wondered as Fíli shifted in his sleep to drape an arm over his shoulders.  It would be the death of his reputation were anyone from the Shire to know that he was snuggling close to a pair of dwarves in their sleep but he wasn’t in the Shire.  Surrounded by warmth Bilbo moved closer to Fíli as sleep tugged gently at him and with a slow exhalation of breath he was lost.

 

…

 

 Snow shouldn't bleed.  It should never have rivers of blood that flow to muddy lakes and yet the snow that he is looking at does.  It bleeds and yet all that he can do is kneel in the cold wet of the bleeding snow.  He doesn't know how long he sits there before his arms are seized in a rough grip and he is shaken until his eyes begin to focus once more.   


"Run!  Do you hear me?  You must run whilst you are still able!"  


"Father?"  And with a gasp, the screams and shouts of the fight around him are blasting his ears with an explosion of sound.  He looks up at his father’s pale face tightening with worry as he begins to shake his head in disagreement.  "No you can't—I won't run!  What would I tell mother?"  


"What would you—you foolish child!"  His father's fingers were digging into his arms with a force that he knew would leave bruises.  He studied his father's face and felt his heart fell as he was pulled into a hug and a kiss was pressed to his forehead.  "My dear, precious boy.  You ought to have carried your mother's name for all that you are my son and heir.  Your mother would never let me know a moments peace if I allowed you to stay here.  You are my greatest pride and your mother's life which is why you will run."  His father's voice faltered and the older hobbit glanced behind him before pushing Bilbo away with a rough shove.  "You are going to run far from here and you shan't stop until you've reached your grandfather. You are both a Took and a Baggins my boy. Don't you forget that."  


He stumbled as he broke a path in the snow heading for the tree line that marked the edge of the forest. It would be easier to hide in the dense undergrowth he thought as the first sobs ripped their way from his chest.   Stopping at the edge of the tree line he turned around and—

 

He awoke from the night terror to find that he had become tangled in his cloak. His breath caught on a sob and he fell back into the warm arms that were tugging him into a comforting embrace while another pair of hands worked to untangle his cloak.  "Shh Bilbo shh."  Fíli whispered into his ear as he struggled to deal with the images and emotions of the night terror. "Be calm Bilbo. Your night terror was not real."  


But that was what terrified him, he thought.  He was terrified of the knowledge that there was a very real chance that his night terror was in actuality a long buried memory.  “Yavanna take pity on me,” he whispered as he shook with the arms of the dwarf holding him while the other smoothed his sweat soaked hair from his face.  Stomach churning he pushed away the arms holding him and scrambled past Menace to the edge of camp before falling to his knees and vomiting. 

 

“Master Baggins?  Can you hear me lad?”  Feeling an unknown hand press against his shoulder Bilbo twisted away so that his back was against the solid weight of a tree.  Wrapping his arms around his knees as they were pulled up to his chest he buried his face in the space created and wept.  Wept as the camp gathered around him before after many loud protests from Fíli and Kíli he was left alone with Balin as Thorin ushered the others away.  “Lad I’m going to sit here next to you.  You just let it out and when you’re done we’ll talk.  Just you and I with no one around to hear us.”

 

“I’m tired,” Bilbo’s voice was rough and he wiped at his eyes after several moments of crying left him feeling empty and his head aching.  “I think that I’d like to go back to sleep now, if you don’t mind Balin.”

 

“I would be doing you no favors by allowing that lad.  I’ve seen these kinds of things often enough in my life.  When one gets to be as white as I am then you find that there is very little that you haven’t seen.”  Looking older than he’d ever seen him Bilbo watched as Balin lit his pipe and took a slow drag before exhaling.  “I’ve seen my share of battles and even more I’ve seen what happens to warriors after the battle is over.  In the heat of battle ‘tis easy to get lost in the tide of it but ‘tis after that one starts to remember things best left forgotten.”

 

“What does that—”

 

“I’ve seen the look on your face before laddie but before now, it has always been on the faces of those that have seen battle.  Never did I imagine that a hobbit would know enough of battle to be experiencing Night Memories.”

 

“Night memories…”  Bilbo repeated his face paling even more as he realized what Balin was insinuating.  “No, no.  My father—the Fell Winter was a bad one to be sure but my father didn’t—he didn’t…”

 

“The best thing you can do now lad is to accept that it most likely did happen.  We heard in Ered Luin that the orcs and wolves had crossed into the Shire when the river froze.  Word travelled that Gandalf and the Rangers had helped to drive them back.  Was your father helping them then?”

 

“No he was—he was… we were nearly to the woods and hills that separate Hobbiton from Tuckborough.  There were—there were Rangers with us and they were fighting.  My father he—he told me to run.  To run and to keep running until I’d found my grandfather.”  Bilbo whispered his eyes wide and distant as tangled his hands in his sweaty curls and tugged on them.  “The snow it was bleeding.  It was so red and—and I was so scared but that can’t be.  It can’t be how he died.  Mother would have told me if it had happened like that.”

 

“There’s not a mother in this land that will not do anything to protect her child.  Even if it means lying to him to protect him from the memories that were thankfully buried and if that’s the case then I’d imagine that you were still young when it happened.”

 

“I was 21 when he passed so I was nearly at my majority.”

 

Balin sighed as he glanced at the hobbit whose eyes were growing dark with remembered shadows.  “21 is not so great an age and it most certainly is not an age where a lad is prepared to lose his father.  Your mind locking away those memories must have been seen as a blessing by your mother as I’d wager that you watched him in his final moments.  But here’s what you need to remember when the Night Memories wake you.  You need to remember that he went fighting to protect you and that by remembering his death you honor him.  There is no honor in a death that is not remembered nor a value to a sacrifice left forgotten.  Now I think you’d best be getting back to your laddies and let them hold you to their hearts content because you weren’t the only one to wake up in a blind terror tonight.” 

 

Helping the shaky hobbit to his feet and ushering him back to Fíli and Kíli Balin watched as the trio lay back down with Bilbo settled firmly between them.  Emptying his pipe and placing It back into his pocket Balin walked away to join Thorin who was sitting beside the fire.  “I know you don’t like the lad but I’ll ask it of you anyway.  Give him some time and let him heal before you toughen him up some more.”

 

“I do not dislike him.”

 

“Like or dislike I think that you are a bit harder on the lad than what’s warranted.  All the same, the lad’s remembering things that he’d forgotten and I think a bit of space might do him some good.  I know that in your own way you’re trying to protect him but I don’t know that your protection will help him any now.”

 

“As long as the fool keeps his night terrors to himself then I will have no cause to be irritable with him.”

 

“Thorin you of all dwarves should know that Night Memories can’t be controlled.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for the comments and kudos. They are appreciated and make the muses work a little harder when I'm struggling with a chapter.


	11. Thoughts and Bindings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dwalin wonders if Thorin's nephews remember anything from their lessons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dwalin wanted to talk and I listened... Also, the plot starts to thicken a bit more.

The next morning was hard on them all but especially so for the little hobbit.  He would not have blamed him if he had chosen to hide away beneath the cover of his cloak but he didn’t.  Instead he pushed away the hands that tried to coax him into sleeping just a bit longer and stood.  His normally bright eyes were still shadowed as there was only so much that a half night of sleep and daylight could chase away but they had lost the dazed look of one who is still lost.  It is not what he had expected to be honest.  He knows that the reemergence of Night Memories are difficult for even the most hardened of the Khazad to deal with.  A halfling from a land that knows little of battle should not be plagued by Night Memories that leave one ill and trembling with a cold that seeps through to the very marrow of your bones.  It makes him wonder for a moment what justice there is in a world when one as innocent and gentle as the hobbit is plagued with such terrors especially when he has not had half the preparation that Khazad children are given in regards to Night Memories. 

 

He knows how hard it is to rise the next morning after the Night Memories have once more staked a claim upon your soul.  His are infrequent now but he still knows how much strength and courage it take to force oneself into rising to greet the day and show Mahal that you still stand undefeated.  He had given voice to his reservations at taking the hobbit along with them but they had been forgotten at Tharkun’s insistence that they take the hobbit and that no other would do.  Crossing his arms as he watched the two dwarflings fuss over the hobbit he cracked his knuckles and rolled his shoulders, releasing a groan as sore muscles protested the movement.  Glancing around the camp he noticed that Balin was speaking quietly with Thorin before looking back to the see that the hobbit’s face was beginning to flush with irritation.  The dwarflings were going to push him away if something wasn’t done and with a final roll of his shoulders he crossed the camp to confront the two idiots when he was stopped by a ball of red fur that barreled into his legs with a sharp bark of warning.

 

“What’s this?”  He muttered as he glared down at the small fox still barking up at him.  “So you’re the fox that Thorin’s been muttering about then.  I’ve brought no harm to your hobbit, little Menace.  I’ve only come to talk some sense into the company he’s keeping so as to keep him from driving them off.”  The fox tilted its head at him and shuffled forward to sniff at his boots before with a final bark it stepped aside and let him pass.  “Master Baggins if you don’t mind I’ve some things to discuss with these two so I’ll be taking them off your hands for a few moments.”  Without waiting for a response Dwalin hooked his hands in the dwarflings coat collars before dragging them away to a spot far enough from the camp to avoid being overheard but close enough to stay in sight.

 

“The pair of you have got to be the most stubborn pair of idiots I’ve ever had the misfortune to help train.”  Dwalin said as he let go of their collars and watched them rub the reddened skin of their necks where the collars had dug in.  “Have you no memory of Balin and I sitting you down to tell you about Night Memories and how you’re supposed to deal with them?”

 

“Of course—”

 

“—we do!”

 

Shaking his head Dwalin held his hand up and waited for them to fall silent again.  “Is that a fact now?  Because if I didn’t know better and I do know better, then I’d be saying that no one’s ever taken the time to teach the pair of you about them.  The hobbit at least has an excuse as I don’t imagine that Night Memories are something that come about very often.  To be very honest lads, you’d be better off telling Thorin to comfort him rather than continuing on the way that you’re doing now.”  Leaning forward he flicked them both on their forehead between their eyebrows in the way he’d done since they were naught more than babes toddling after their uncle.  “Think you that he wants your pity?  Think you that he wants to be coddled like a babe who has awoken in the night only to be startled by the dark?  If he is standing this morning refusing to hide away then it is because Balin’s words have done good for him and he has chosen to face whatever it is that the Night Memories have shown him.”

 

“We’re worried about him.”  Kíli said sullenly his eyes shadowed by his dark bangs as he tilted his head downwards.  “He will lie next to us but he won’t ask for us to hold him.  He’ll wait until he thinks we’ve gone to sleep before he’ll even move closer but last night he asked us to hold him until he slept.”

 

“Aye I imagine that your arms helped to ground him long enough for him to find his own center again.”  Dwalin replied before scrubbing wearily at his face as the two dwarflings moved closer to each other with Kíli reaching out to brush his fingers against Fíli’s.  “What would you do if he were Thorin?  Would you still try to coddle him and overwhelm him as you are now or would you step back and allow him to prove that he can still stand on his own?”

 

“We’re not—!”

 

“The problem lads, is that even if you aren’t meaning to do it that’s what you’re doing.  By coddling him you’re telling him that he’s not strong to handle himself.  That the Night Memories have beaten him and in doing so he is left as nothing more than a broken hobbit.  Do you think so little of him?”

 

Fíli stepped forward his hands curling in at his sides as he did so with his chin lifting defiantly so that he could meet Dwalin’s gaze.  “Of course not but Mister Dwalin you don’t know what they’ve done to him.  We worry that if we don’t show him that he is not alone that he’ll move away from us and convince himself once more that with his parents gone that there are no others who will accept him as he is.”

 

“All the more reason to let him stand on his own, lad.  If things were as bad as all that then he’ll need this more than anything else that you can offer him.”  Dwalin’s voice left no room for disagreement as Fíli and Kíli took on mulish expressions.  “Don’t look at me like that.  I’ve helped your family to raise the pair of you and neither of you is too old for me to take over my knee.  You can’t help him by coddling him but you can help by standing back.  He knows that you are there and he’ll be reminded of that every night as he lies down between you.  But he’ll never grow and stand on his own if you don’t step back far enough for him to realize that he’s stronger than he has a right to be.”

 

That said he leaned forward to muss their hair and ignoring their indignant shouts he walked away to join his brother who had finished speaking with Thorin.  Sitting down on the ground with a grunt of thanks as Bofur handed him a bowl of still warm porridge he began to eat while keeping a watchful eye on the hobbit.  Fíli and Kíli had returned and seemed to have listened to his words as they tried valiantly to act as they had been before last night had happened, the hobbit relaxing more and more as it became apparent that they were no longer trying to smother him with good intentions.  It wouldn’t be today and most likely wouldn’t be tomorrow either but the hobbit would grow strong enough to move past the Night Memories and when he did, Dwalin knew that he would forced to have some rather delicate discussions. 

 

There was nowhere in Arda that he would not follow Thorin but Mahal help their king, he was blind when it came to the hobbit.  Balin insisted that it was because he wanted to protect the hobbit but Dwalin had a feeling that it was far more than that.  Thorin was not one to take such a strong dislike to anything other than an elf.  His brother would not break the hobbit’s confidence and so all he knew was that the hobbit was remembering something from his childhood that had been horrific enough that his mind had locked it away.  His thought was that it was the rigors of travel and the danger that forced the memories to resurface in the way that they were and in matters such as these, Dwalin had learned long ago that his brother was rarely wrong.  Rarely wrong and Mahal help him but he was now torn between his loyalty and his need to offer protection.  Thorin was his king.  He was the only King under the Mountain that he would ever swear fealty to and while it pained him to think of it, he knew that he would have to ensure that Thorin was distracted by matters other than the hobbit.  The careless words of his king would not help the hobbit to recover or to grow stronger.  No instead the words would undo any work the hobbit had accomplished and could possibly destroy what little strength the Night Memory had left him with.  Mahal help the line of Durin, he prayed as he spooned more porridge into his mouth, and keep the hobbit in the light.

 

…

 

Mirabella Brandybuck was no fool now but in her youth… oh in her youth, she’d been so easily swayed by her sister and father even when every instinct in her screamed that they were wrong.  Oh so very wrong to do what they were doing.  She knew their laws as well as any other Took raised at her father’s knee but Yavanna would never have allowed it had she not had a greater purpose in mind for her young nephew.  Rubbing at her forehead with trembling fingers Mirabella stared into the merrily crackling fire and remembered how her sister’s shrill voice had echoed through their father’s smial as she insisted that the Binding be done.  A Binding for a child who had reached his Awakening through no fault of his own and that was what had broken her inside as she had held her young nephew down for the Binding.  Bilbo had done nothing wrong and yet by the laws of the Took and the will of his mother, he had suffered for it all the same.

 

The laws stated that if the Awakening happened in a child then to protect their secret the binding would be performed and the memories that led to the Awakening would be sealed away until the child reached the age of majority.  The laws had kept their secret safe for so long and by extension their family but in the end it had done nothing to protect her young nephew.    No they had done nothing to protect him and his Binding should have been undone over twenty years ago but because of Belladonna she had sworn an oath that she would only undo the Binding if Bilbo had reached the age of 55 without the Binding breaking.  Knowing what she’d done and knowing how it would affect her young nephew had left her unable to even look upon him without feeling the near crippling guilt that still plagued her from that day.

 

So instead she had avoided him and sent numerous letters which he dutifully answered.  Or rather he had dutifully answered them until the month of April when he’d stopped responding.  By June she had known something was wrong and had sent her son to Hobbiton to check on his cousin only for him to return with the news that Bilbo had left the Shire.  Left the Shire without so much as a word or letter to let his poor aunt know that he was off to go adventuring with Gandalf and a company of dwarves.  Chuckling ruefully Mirabella looked down at the ancient tome she held in her lap and blew the dust away from its cover.  The Binding could and would break if the dangers found on that adventure forced the Faerie blood of their ancestor to overpower the Binding.  That boy had always been defiant to the last and forcing his Binding to break before he reached the age of 55 was something that she knew he could do before July came to a close.  Opening the book and thumbing through the pages before stopping on the page that showed everything the Took family had ever known about the Awakening she smiled through the tears gathering in her eyes.  Her nephew was special.  She had known that since the day she’d first held him in her arms and he’d looked up at her with eyes that had left her breathless with wonder.  The time for their family to hide was over and Bilbo would make their family known throughout Arda once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *flops tiredly on her desk* So the LoTR wiki is my best friend...
> 
> Thank you to everyone for leaving kudos and comments. They are appreciated and keep me up late writing when I should be going to bed.


	12. Trust Issues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo has some trust issues and not surprisingly Fíli’s quite unhappy with that.

There was something wrong with him.  Something that went beyond the Night Memories as Balin called them.  He knew it as surely as he knew that his feet were covered in hair and he hadn’t the faintest idea as to what was wrong with him besides the obvious.  “You should come to sleep.”  Looking up at Fíli with an apologetic look Bilbo felt guilt well up in him as Fíli’s face fell and he rested his head against the blond’s shoulder.  “You’ve not been sleeping well.”

 

“I’ll be along shortly I promise.  I just—I need to think some before I can go to sleep and what better time to do it than now?”

 

Fíli sighed and wrapped his arm around the hobbit before leaning closer to bury his nose in the soft curls.  Inhaling deeply Fíli smiled into Bilbo’s hair as the hobbit settled comfortably into the embrace.  It had taken them quite a bit of persistence to get the hobbit to stop shrugging out of the embraces if they lasted for longer than a moment.  To have him now move into the embraces left his chest swelling with a rush of emotion that left him unable to stop the smile from spreading across his face and he knew that anyone looking at the pair of them would be left with no doubts as to the intentions held in regards to the hobbit.  “You can speak to me about whatever it is that leaves you troubled.  I swear that whatever you tell me will never be repeated to anyone else.”

 

“I know and if I knew what was bothering me then I would tell you but the problem is that I don’t know.”

 

“You were thinking some heavy thoughts earlier.  Perhaps if you were to share those thoughts it would help you to figure out what it is that is bothering you so much.” 

 

Turning to hide his face in Fíli’s shoulder Bilbo stiffened before relaxing as Fíli began to comb gently through his hair.  It was an odd feeling as it had been many years since anyone had combed his hair for him and it left him unsettled as he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to respond.  He didn’t want to be anything more than friends but it was so easy to forget that when Fíli and Kíli would do things like this that allowed him to relax.   It had become even more difficult now that Fíli had become so openly affectionate and along with Kíli had gotten so very good at removing his bedroll and laying it out before he could even try to lay it out himself which meant that nearly since the night after they’d left Rivendell he’d been sleeping between them.  They made it so difficult for him to tell them that he wanted to have nothing more than friendship although he worried about saying something on the off chance that he would ruin their friendship by making such an assumption.  Hobbit ways were not dwarf ways and from what he had seen, he could only conclude that dwarves as a race were far more affectionate than hobbits.

 

“You’re thinking heavy thoughts again.”  Fíli’s voice cut through his thoughts and Bilbo looked up with a wry smile already forming on his face as Fíli tugged gently on one of his curls.  “If you truly don’t want to speak about what it is that bothers you, all you need do is say so and I will bother you no more about it.”

 

“I’m just trying to figure out how to put the thoughts into words.  I don’t want to speak and look like an idiot when I could have remained silent for a few moments longer to compose my thoughts.”  Bilbo said as he pulled away from Fíli’s hand in his hair.  “I suppose the best way for me to say it is that I don’t feel as though I fit in my skin anymore.  It feels like something has been wrong with me since I woke up from the Night Memory.  Something is wrong and I don’t know what.”

 

Fíli stayed silent for a long moment but his grip on Bilbo tightened as he pulled the hobbit closer.  “Night Memories can be tricky things.  It’s one of the first things they teach us even before they allow us to pick up a weapon.  If you’re to learn how to fight then the elders want to be certain that you are prepared for the consequences of that decision.  Death can’t be avoided but death by one’s own hand can be prevented and before we started talking about Night Memories it was said that we lost many of our own to their despair.”

 

“I’m not so bad as all that but I do know that I would far worse off if it hadn’t been for Balin taking the time to explain things to me.  Night Memories… well it’s unheard of in the Shire.  It’s been several generations since any hobbit has gone to war.”

 

“Aye I imagine it wouldn’t be known in the Shire and for a peaceful people it wouldn’t make much sense to cultivate the knowledge of Night Memories in the way that we ourselves have.”  Fíli said with a small shrug of his shoulders as he tilted his head to look down at the hobbit now trying to clean out the dirt from beneath his nails with a small sliver of wood purloined from the small pile of firewood settled away from the fire.  “But you still haven’t explained why you feel so out of sorts.  You’ve rather skillfully changed the subject but you’re speaking to a seasoned professional in the art of subject changing in the hopes of avoiding a particular discussion or lecture.”

 

“Why does that not surprise me?”  Bilbo asked dryly as he poked at Fíli’s knee with his wood sliver before he licked his lips nervously.  “I know where Menace is.”

 

Fíli blinked in surprise.  This was what had Bilbo so nervous, he asked himself as he looked down at the pale hobbit before his eyes narrowed with suspicion.  No if it was something as silly as that then the hobbit would never have brought it up and since he wasn’t in the habit of lying that mean that whatever it was that was bothering him did indeed have something to do with Menace.  “I should hope that you know where Menace is considering that he left not too long ago to try and hunt his dinner down.”

 

“No I mean I know exactly where he is.  If I concentrate I can tell you that he’s about 2 miles south of us but I don’t why I can tell you that.  I don’t know why and it’s the not knowing that’s bothering me badly enough to keep me from falling asleep.  It’s not natural to be able to tell where an animal is but I can.  I can’t do it with any other animal but I can tell you where Menace is at any given moment and I’ve been able to do it since I woke from the Night Memory.”

 

“Why did you not say something?”  Fíli whispered his eyes darting about the camp to make certain that everyone was still sleeping and that Dwalin was far enough away to not be able to overhear their conversation.  “That is something that you shouldn’t have kept to yourself, Bilbo.”

 

“I didn’t say anything because I didn’t realize what was happening at first and when I did—well it’s not exactly normal, now is it?”  Bilbo replied his tone harsh as he met Fíli’s gaze and steeled himself against the anger and concern he saw there as he moved away from the blond.  “How was I supposed to bring something like that up in normal conversation?  Was I meant to just blurt it out as we ate breakfast?”

 

“No.  No, you could have told us that you need to speak with us privately and we would have ensured that no one else could hear what you had to tell us.  We have trusted you with so very much.  Why will you not trust us in the same manner?  Have we not shown you that we will not abandon you or that we are not those simpleminded fools in you left behind in Hobbiton?”

 

“Some of those fools are my family.”

 

“Yes but tell me when was the last time that they spoke to you with something resembling true civility?”

 

“That doesn’t—that isn’t what we’re discussing, Fíli.”

 

“Isn’t it?  You won’t trust us even though we’ve done everything that we can think of to prove to you that we are trustworthy and that we will never willingly betray that trust.”  Struggling to keep his voice low Fíli swore under his breath and reached out to bring Bilbo back to rest against his side.  “I, neither of us, would care if one day Menace began to speak to you.  Oddities or no, we will stay by your side for as long as you will have us and one day we hope that you will accept the settling of our affections and allow us to court you in a proper…”  Oh Mahal take him and his inability to keep his wits about him when riled, Fíli thought as he looked at the shocked hobbit sitting so painfully still next to him.  “Bilbo?”

 

“What,” Bilbo started in a strangled voice before clearing his throat and continuing.  “What did you say?”

 

Kíli was going to kill him and he would have all the right in the world to do so.  Swallowing hard against the nerves threatening to steal his voice Fíli lifted his head because Mahal help him he was not going to hang his head as though he was ashamed.  “This was not how we’d hoped to tell you but it doesn’t change the fact that we have been planning to do so.  Dwarves have but One in their lives and when we find that One we start by a settling of affections which means that we present our intent and hope that it is accepted.” 

 

 “I—I’m sorry.”  Eyes widening at the look of devastation that crossed Fíli’s face Bilbo turned his face away before standing.  “I can’t—well that isn’t to say that I wouldn’t ever—and really this is rather sudden.  Please give me some time?”

 

“Of course!”  Fíli’s answer was swift and Bilbo winced at the sincerity and hope that all but dripped from his voice.  “We will wait as long as you need.”

 

“Thank you.”  Walking away to stand near the edge of the camp he sat down with his back against a large boulder and gave Menace a watery smile as the fox came slinking back into camp to lay in his lap with a soft whine.  “What am I going to do?  I can’t say yes but I can’t lose them either.  I’ve made a right mess of things, haven’t I?”

 

…

 

“Now what is it that you needed to see me about, dear sister?”

 

“I’ll thank you to remember that for all you are the head of this family that you are still my brother and I do not appreciate being spoken to in so condescending a manner.”  Mirabella’s voice was cool as she glared at her older brother until he slumped and with a weary sigh bowed his head in a silent apology.  “It was urgent that I speak with you because I’ve recently come to learn that Bilbo has left the Shire.”

 

“Bella’s child?  I’ve heard nothing of a request to leave the Shire.”

 

Satisfied that her brother was now paying her words sufficient attention Mirabella took a sip of the chamomile tea she’d been served before setting her tea cup back down and looking up to meet her brother’s confused gaze.  “As I’m sure you’re well aware, I’ve been keeping a correspondence with the lad since Bella passed on and I became concerned in June when 2 months had passed by with no reply from him.  Two weeks ago I sent my youngest over to Hobbiton to check on him and when he returned it was with the word that Bilbo had left the Shire to go adventuring with a company of dwarves and Gandalf.”

 

“Gandalf?  He hasn’t been seen since—“

 

“—since the Fell Winter when Bungo died and poor Bilbo was forced into a Binding.”  Mirabella finished her hands falling into her lap as she plucked at a loose string dangling from her skirt.  “The Binding is breaking and I expect that in a week it will be completely broken if what I’ve felt is any indication at all.”

 

“Bella would have our heads were she still alive to do so.”  Isumbras moaned as he rubbed at his forehead.  “A Binding breaking especially where he will be without our aid is dangerous.  Especially if his Awakening was indeed as far along as you have mentioned.  He won’t be prepared for what will happen and his companions—,” sitting up straight Isumbras turned to look at his sister.  “That’s why you asked for this meeting.  His companions will know and so we will need to make preparations.”

 

“Bella was a fool to have forced the Binding onto the boy and now we reap the consequences of her actions.  Her son will have his Awakening twice and in the presence of strangers so yes, warning you was part of the reason that I wanted to meet.  The other is because I wanted to ask your permission to begin loosening the Binding so that he will not have as severe a backlash as he would otherwise.  A backlash here is dangerous and in the wild even more so where he will be so very far from our aid.”

 

“You should never have to ask for that permission, Mira.  Whatever you need will be granted and if you should need assistance you need only tell me.”

 

“Thank you, brother.”

 

“Do not thank me yet.  Thank me once this entire ordeal is over and we can be certain that our family will survive.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for taking a few days to get this ready. Long and short of it is that I get migraines and ignored the one I had building Saturday night until it was too late to do much more than lie in bed and wonder why my head wasn't just exploding...
> 
> Either way, I've managed to get this finished and I've got a decent bit of the next chapter done so it'll hopefully be up tomorrow night.
> 
> Thanks and love to everyone for the comments and kudos. They really do go a long way towards helping me write.


	13. Giants and Resolve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even the strongest of resolves can crumble

Every Khazad knew about their High Lord Mahal and his lady-wife High Lady Yavanna.  High Lord Mahal had created them and High Lady Yavanna had given them the greatest gift she could think of and for that gift alone every Khazad would revere her even after death.  From their earliest of memories every Khazad knew of Yavanna’s Gift but it wasn’t actually explained to them until they reached the age of 30.  Kíli could remember his mother sitting down with him and his brother after chasing their uncle out of the house.  Fíli had refused to have the conversation until Kíli himself was of age to hear it and his mother being the woman she was had obliged him and waited.  Even now he remembered how his face had flushed with color at his mother’s soft words and the warm hands that had held his own cold ones as she had pressed a kiss to his forehead.  She had been the one to tell them that she believed they would share the same One as it seemed they were determined to share everything else.  He’d been unable to hide his pleasure at the thought because out of everything he’d known in his life, his brother had been by far the most constant and the thought of losing him to another because of Yavanna’s Gift was not a pleasant one.

 

It had been a few nights later that his mother had taken him aside after his uncle had taken Fíli with him to one of the few council meetings that were held in Ered Luin.  If they found they shared the same One, she’d warned him with troubled eyes, then it would be his responsibility to ensure that Fíli accepted that they shared the same one.  His responsibility because Fíli if given the chance would likely try to bow out gracefully so that Kíli could have the One given them by Yavanna’s Gift.  She apologized for allowing Fíli to believe that he had to do everything possible to protect Kíli’s happiness and in that moment his face had hardened and he’d nodded.  Because even if it meant losing their One he couldn’t lose his brother as it would never be an acceptable loss to him.  Even if the High Lady herself came to tell him to do it he would refuse because there could be no other being who would ever mean as much to him as his brother did.  Or so he had thought.  Watching as a large stone hand wrapped around Bilbo he realized that Yavanna’s Gift was called a Gift because the Gift would allow them to find the one that could complete their bond—that would complete the _both_ of them in a way that they couldn’t alone.  If he lost—if _they_ lost Bilbo then what happiness they’d had before them would forever be out of reach.  “Bilbo!”  Screaming their hobbit’s name as frightened eyes peered at him over the large stone hand holding him Kíli fought against the arm his brother was using to hold him back.  “Bilbo!  Let him go!  Do you hear me?  Let him go!”

 

It was foolish to yell at a creature that could kill him without even meaning to do so but he found himself unable to remain silent.  Bilbo and Fíli would forever be the only two that he would fight anyone for.  To remain silent as one of them was taken from him was unthinkable and if it weren’t for his brother’s grip he knew that he would do his best to see if stone could bleed.  He would find a way to make it bleed in recompense for the pain tearing through his heart.  A pain that was threatening to send him to his knees and would have were it not for his brother holding him steady.  Watching as their hobbit was deposited on the cliff face a ways from them Kíli shrugged away from his brother’s arm.  He would not know peace until he could see Bilbo safe with his own eyes and he glanced at his brother to make certain that he would not be going alone when the ground beneath them began to shake.  Eyes widening he stepped away from the earth splitting beneath his feet and stretched his hand out to his brother.  “Fíli!” 

 

…

 

When he was still a child and just after Kíli had been born, his uncle had spoken to him of his own younger brother.  Frerin son of Thror who had died in the Battle of Azanulbizar as his uncle fought against the pale orc.  He remembers the pain in his uncle’s eyes as he spoke of the younger brother that he’d failed to save and he thought no more of it until the moment arrived where his mother had allowed him to hold his own younger brother in his arms for the first time.  As he watched his little brother pull a lock of his hair into his mouth to chew on, he felt no anger only love and protectiveness for the small being cradled in his arms.  It had been at that moment that he had vowed that he would never fail Kíli.  He would never know the kind of pain that his uncle knew so well.  Throughout their lives in Ered Luin they’d weathered the rumors about their closeness and had allowed themselves to be comforted by the knowledge that their bond was no deeper than the bond their uncles had once shared.  Thorin had always protected his family with a fierceness that scared even the most daring of dwarves and it was from him that they took their cues so when it came time to train, Fíli had stood up against his uncle. 

 

He’d fought with his uncle because he would be damned by Mahal himself, before he stood by and watched his brother be denied the right to learn how to use a bow.  It had been the first time that he’d ever defied his uncle and that fight had been the only fight where he feared that his uncle might actually strike him in anger.  In the end he’d won and his uncle taught Kíli everything he knew about marksmanship and had even taken it a step further by having Dwalin instruct Kíli in the use of a war hammer.  As young as he had been, he hadn’t understood why his uncle was so adamant that an archer needed to know how to use a war hammer especially when Kíli was already being instructed in the use of a sword.  He hadn’t understood until Balin had explained that their other uncle had once been an archer with only mediocre skill at using a sword and had been left defenseless once his sword was taken away.  Balin hadn’t needed to say anything more because at that moment Fíli understood that his uncle was doing his best to ensure that what had happened to Frerin would never happen to Kíli.

 

 When his mother had spoken to them of Yavanna’s Gift he’d smiled at her when she admitted that the believed they would share the same One.  He smiled but it never reached his eyes because it was unheard of for dwarves to share the One gifted to them by Yavanna.  Dwarves were jealously possessive of what was theirs and if their mother’s feeling proved to be true he knew that he would step aside for Kíli’s sake.  Or at least that was what he’d thought before he’d had the pleasure of meeting a fussy little hobbit.  Bilbo was… well, he wasn’t the One that Fíli had ever imagined and he doubted that Kíli had ever thought that their One would be a hobbit either.  He was fussy, insecure and without a doubt entirely too gentle for their journey but he was theirs.  He was theirs and for the first time since his mother had given voice to her suspicions Fíli finally understood how it could be possible for two Dwarves to share the same One. 

 

Bilbo was their One and it caused his chest to ache and his eyes to burn as he could do nothing more than hold Kíli back as they watched their One be carried away by one of the stone giants.  Following the stone giants movements he let out a shaky breath that he hadn’t realized he’d been holding when Bilbo was set down against the cliff face quite a ways from where he’d been taken.  Relaxing his grip on Kíli, he let his brother step away from him and was nodding in agreement to his brother’s unspoken question when the ground beneath them began to move.  Eyes widening as Kíli stepped further away from him as the ground split he reached out at the same time as his brother only to be taken out of reach as the cliff face revealed itself to be another stone giant.  Clinging to the rock as best he could Fíli cursed as the battle ended with one of the giants being beheaded and pressed himself against the rock as the giant they were stranded on began to fall.  Passing by Kíli as the giant fell Fíli offered a prayer to Mahal as they grew ever closer to colliding with the side of the mountain. 

 

“Jump across to the mountain once we’re close enough.”  Dwalin roared over the sounds of the storm and Fíli tensed as he eyed the distance between them before shrugging.  It wasn’t like they weren’t going to die if they did nothing, he decided as he jumped and landed with a bone jarring thud.  Lifting his head to make sure that everyone had made the jump Fíli put his head back down and covered it with his arms as the giant landed heavily against the mountain.  Stunned from the noise Fíli lay there for a few moments until he was seized in a hard grip and lifted up before being pulled into a tight embrace.  “Thank Mahal you’re alright.”  His uncle whispered in his ear as the older dwarf trembled from the force of his relief.  “I thought—I thought I’d lost you.”  Fíli was given no chance to reply as he was pulled away from his uncle and into his brother’s arms.  “Fíli!  Kíli!”  Looking up as his name was called Fíli sagged with relief as Bilbo came into view running along the small path they were on.

 

…

 

Love is like hope.  It can be lost for a time but it will always be found when it is needed the most.  When the dark covers the light and everything that you fight to protect is thought lost is when hope and love will shine to fight away the darkness.  Or at least, that’s what his Aunt Mira would always tell him when he would get caught up in the despair that had found him so easily after his father’s death.  She would tell him that right before she would push him outside and yell that he needed to see the sunlight before he forgot what it looked like and it would help to ease the pain that knotted in his chest.  She had been his hope after his father’s burial and had for a time stayed at Bag End until her responsibilities had called her back to Tuckborough.  Leaving had not stopped her advice as she had started to write him letters and if he didn’t respond she would send one of his cousins to check on him.  After his mother’s passing her letters had grown far more frequent and longer as she told him of all of the happenings in Tuckborough and ensured that he didn’t retreat into himself by stopping at Bag End on occasion to have tea. 

 

Aunt Mira would know what to do.  She’d know what words to say that would allow him to muddle through the confusion that seemed determined to leave him an addled simpleton.  He had asked for some time to think on what should have been a simple decision but in truth was anything but.  Fíli and Kíli were seeking to court him and while it terrified him it also left him feeling strangely content at the knowledge.  Had it been only one of them seeking to settle affections as Fíli had called it, his answer would have been swift.  There was no way in any realm watched over by the Valar that he would give his consent to only one of them courting him because it was unthinkable.  He didn’t think of them as just Fíli or Kíli.  They were Fíli and Kíli.  To court one and not the other was something he knew would strain the bond the brothers shared and he would never forgive himself if he allowed it.  Some things were sacred and should never be meddled with and the bond that Fíli and Kíli shared was one of those things.  He’d heard that most dwarves never married and looking at Fíli and Kíli, his first impression had been that they would be like the dwarves he’d heard of.

 

 

But they weren’t.  They weren’t because for some unfathomable reason they actually wanted him.  Bilbo Baggins, son of Bungo Baggins and Belladonna Took of Bag End.  Since speaking with Fíli he’d been so uncertain.  So confused as to what his answer should be because in spite of everything he was still very much that scared hobbit that had watched his mother fade away. 

 

Yelling in alarm as Dwalin shoved him against the cliff face to protect him against the falling rocks Bilbo missed the way the stone giants paused to look at him.  He didn’t look around him until Menace began to growl lowly against his neck.  Large stone fingers wrapped gently around his body and lifted him away from Dwalin and Bofur who were shouting.  Passing by the rest of company Bilbo watched Fíli holding Kíli and gave silent thanks to Yavanna that they were still okay.  Tumbling back onto the rocky ground as he was abruptly released Bilbo scrambled away from the giant that was watching and managed to bite back a gasp as the giant reached out again to press lightly against his forehead with the tip of one massive finger.  Groaning as his head began to throb with pain he squeezed his eyes shut and he opened them again as the sounds of rocks crashing began anew. 

 

Love is like hope, he thought as he forced himself to stand, it has a way of forcing its way into your heart.  It hides until the time comes where it can hide no longer and the feeling can no longer be denied.  Walking on shaky legs that grew stronger as he began to run Bilbo realized that no matter his resolve, his heart had already been lost.  Stumbling from the tremors that ran through the path he was on as the now headless giant collided with the mountain Bilbo let out a ragged sob.  “Yavanna please.  Please don’t take them away from me.”  He pleaded with a voice broken with emotion as he ran down the path.  “I have to give my answer.  Please.”

 

“Fíli!  Kíli!”  Calling out to them as he caught a glimpse of blond and brown hair amongst the dwarves that were standing Bilbo came to a halt a few feet from them.  For a moment they stood looking each other for injury before he was being swept into a tight hug.  Wrapping an arm around each of them Bilbo ducked his head as the first of the hot tears spilled down his cheeks.  “I thought—Oh Yavanna help me, I thought you two were gone.  I saw the giant and I thought—.”

 

“Shh Bilbo we’re alright.  All of us.”  Fíli whispered into his hair and Bilbo felt Menace leave his neck to nuzzle the brothers.  “It’ll take more than a few giants to escort us to the Halls.”

 

“Don’t you dare—don’t you dare joke about leaving me behind.”  Bilbo said through a sob as he pressed himself closer.  “I can’t—you can’t…  All I could think about was that you’d left me behind without ever getting my answer.”

 

Fíli and Kíli stared at him with confusion bright in their eyes before understanding replaced it and he was pulled back into their arms.  “Is that a yes?” 

 

“For as long as you’ll have me.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been the most difficult I've ever had to write but oh so worth the irritation. Thank you to everyone for the wonderful encouragement that has been left in kudos and comments. Next chapter will be a rather long one so it will take a few days before it's ready to be posted.


	14. Headaches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo has a headache that's only gotten worse and he'd really like to sleep but the pain won't let him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah... I am so sorry. Loooong story short? I got really sick, got better, got sick again and then when I was better I'd completely lost my train of thought for the chapter that was nearly finished. It took a bit to figure out what to do hence why it's been a while since I've posted.

He was beginning to wonder if they were ever going to let him go. Once they finally stepped out of the rain and into the cave after Dwalin declared it safe, Fíli and Kíli had firmly anchored him between them leaving him no room to squirm away. While they were still outside trying to make certain that everyone was uninjured he had worried that once his emotions had settled that he would panic and begin to second guess himself before trying to run away again. He wasn’t wrong but his moment of panic was calmed by the feel of their arms around him and the utter security that came from it. They were alive. Yavanna had answered his prayer and he would not dishonor the grace she’d shown him by running from the very beings he’d prayed for. 

“What in Durin’s name is going on?” Thorin’s voice was loud in the quiet of the cave causing Fíli and Kíli to stiffen as they exchanged worried looks before glancing down at the pale hobbit standing between them. “I would have answers.”

“I would give you answers if I had them.” Unable to hide a wince as his head gave a particularly vicious throb Bilbo reached up to rub at his temples wearily. “I don’t know why the giant felt a need to pick me up and move me away before it continued to fight. If I knew then I most certainly would tell you but I’m as baffled by this as you are.”

“There’s nothing that’s going to be solved tonight so it might be best to wait until Master Gandalf returns so that we might ask him his opinion on this matter as it were.” Dori said when it looked as Thorin might continue to interrogate the obviously exhausted hobbit who was now being held up by what looked like sheer determination and Fíli’s hold on his arm. “I mean no offense Thorin but we’re all of us exhausted. It’s best to wait to have these kinds of discussions when those involved aren’t so tired and tempers aren’t so easily roused.”

“Very well but make no mistake, this conversation is far from over halfling.”

“I’ve no doubts as to that and I’ll be willing to answer your questions once my head no longer feels as though it’s going to split itself apart.” Holding onto Kíli to keep his balance as the exhaustion threatened to overwhelm the pain in his head Bilbo paused to hide a yawn behind his hand. “If you don’t mind I think I’ll go have a bit of a lie down now.”

Leaning into Kíli’s warmth as Thorin gave a curt nod and Fíli stepped away to settle their bedding Bilbo looked up with bleary eyes as he heard Oin speaking quietly with Kíli. “It’ll help with the pain. ‘Twas luck that I even noticed the tree and even more luck that I thought to strip some of the bark from it. He’ll be needing to chew it and then after he’s done with that you’ll need to get some water in him to help wash it down. Mind that you don’t let him chew it for longer than a couple of minutes. He doesn’t need much being such a wee fellow and I’m worried about giving him too much even though I’ve given him about half of what I’d give any of you.”

“Aye thank you Oin.”

“No need for thanks laddie. He’s a part of this company and a poor doctor I’d be if I weren’t trying to help the lad. That headache will only get worse if we don’t do something about it now so be a good lad and make sure he chews the bark if you will.”

“And then make sure he drinks some water afterwards, yes?”

“Aye.” Oin said reaching forward to clap Kíli on the shoulder that wasn’t already occupied with supporting Bilbo. “Best get some rest as I’ve a feeling your uncle will have us all up before the dawn.”

“Thank you.” Kíli repeated as he gently led Bilbo over to where Fíli had spread out their bedding and helped the hobbit to untie his sword belt. Setting the sword off to the side with the rest of their weapons he helped Bilbo to lie down before handing him the small amount of willow bark that Oin had given him. “You need to chew this before you can sleep. Oin says it’ll help with the pain you’re in.”

“Thank you.” Bilbo murmured as he took the proffered bark and began to chew it before spitting it out after a couple of minutes and throwing it on the stone behind them. Taking the water that Fíli handed him Bilbo grimaced at the bitter taste in his mouth before downing the water to wash away the taste. That done he handed the water back to Fíli and lay down facing Kíli as the dark haired dwarf wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him close. He gave a sigh of contentment as Fíli curled up behind him with Menace settling comfortably beneath blond hair and Bilbo inhaled deeply and nestled closer to Kíli so that his face lay hidden in the curve of the dwarf’s neck. He’d missed this. Missed being able to lie so close to them and feel secure in the feeling that they would still be there when dawn came and he could stretch lazily surrounded by their warmth as he awoke. Relaxing as the willow began to ease the pain in his body and allowed the exhaustion to win Bilbo fell asleep and dreamed.

…

It was still dark when he woke with a stifled groan of pain as his head throbbed viciously and he bit his cheek as he fought the urge to cry as the pain grew worse. Forcing his breathing to slow as he took slow deep breaths in through his nose and exhaled through his mouth Bilbo buried his face in Kíli’s neck as he waited for the pain to ease. Sighing heavily with frustration as tears burned at the edges of his eyes Bilbo opened bleary eyes to look around the dark cave around him before closing his eyes again as a cool breeze blew over his face. Pulling away from Kíli and tilting his face up into the breeze he opened his eyes again and began the painstaking process of crawling out from between the brothers without waking either of them. Face pale and tense from the pain Bilbo pushed himself to his knees and quietly pulled his sword and walking stick away from the pile of weapons before slowing rising up onto his feet to make his way towards the mouth of the cave.

“Bilbo what are you doin’ up so late?” Squeaking in surprise as he tried to spin towards the voice Bilbo groaned and brought his hand up to his head as the sudden movement caused a wave of dizziness and nausea to roll over him in response to the pain throbbing through his head. “—need me to get Fíli or Kíli, lad? Bilbo will y’no answer me?”

“M’okay,” Bilbo murmured as he accepted Bofur’s help in standing from where he’d fallen to his knees from the sudden rush of dizziness. “Don’t wake them. They need the sleep.”

“As do you with th’ way you’re stumblin’ about.” Muttering the words darkly with a chastising glance at the hobbit still clinging onto his arm for balance Bofur sighed as he helped Bilbo to sit down near the mouth of the cave where he’d been keeping watch. “Have my beard they will if they hear of this in the morn. You sick and I’m doing nothing about it.”

“Not sick.”

“Lad y’nearly fainted on the ground just now and I’ll have you know that I think I might have pulled something when I tried to keep you from fallin’ cause you were goin’ down quicker’n you did when we conversing about Smaug.”

Glaring at his friend Bilbo took care to speak slowly so as to lessen the slurring he knew would make his words hard to understand. “Not sick,” he insisted softly as he pulled his cloak in around himself as he shivered. “Headache. Bad headache and cold helps.”

“Wouldn’t be a headache that leaves you wishin’ the light would just go find somewhere else to shine would it?”

“Yes.”

“Nasty things those are.” Bofur said with a quiet noise of sympathy as he pulled his pack into his lap and began digging through it quietly. Nimble fingers feeling through the various items within before pulling out a small wooden box and opening it. Dipping his fingers into the paste Bofur rubbed the paste onto Bilbo’s temples and along the base of his neck with quick, sure movements. “Bifur gets them and Oin made up a paste for him to use. Chamomile and mint I think is what he puts but when the pain gets too bad for even feverfew to work quickly enough then he’ll use this. I don’t think he’d mind me sharing this with you cause Mahal knows the only living creatures foul enough to deserve those headaches are the orcs.”

“Thank you.”

“Were the positions reversed then I know you’d be doin’ the same.” 

Nodding his head without thinking Bilbo cursed under his breath as Bofur let out a breathy laugh at his expense which prompted him to crack one eye open to glare balefully at his friend. “Not funny.”

“Oh but it really is. You’ve been so quiet since your disagreement with Fíli and Kíli. I haven’t wanted to say anything seeing as how it isn’t my place to do so but I was worried about you.”

“I’m sorry,” Bilbo murmured as he huddled in his cloak and breathed in the soothing scent of the paste that Bofur had given him. Plucking idly at the hem of his cloak Bilbo opened his mouth to speak before closing it again with a pensive look. Eyes narrowing as he took a deep breath Bilbo turned his head slowly to face his friend now watching him worriedly. “Fíli asked for my permission to allow them to court me.”

“That’s why you were so distant.” Bofur said thoughtfully as he rubbed at his beard before slinging an arm over the shoulders of the hobbit to tuck him up against his side. “You’ll be needing a Guardian if you’re to tell me that you’ve accepted their suit.”

“I’m well past being of age for a hobbit from the Shire, Bofur. Any need for a Guardian passed long ago.”

“Perhaps in hobbit customs yes but you’re being courted by a pair of young dwarrows and dwarven customs are a bit different than I expect you’re familiar with. You’ll be needing a Guardian to ensure that your interests are protected and seeing as how its Thorin’s heirs that are trying to make a Claim then you’ll be needin’ to observe every propriety that can be observed seein’ as we’re travelin’ to Erebor.” Smiling at his friend’s sour look Bofur chuckled softly as he lifted his head to glance about the cave to make certain that everyone was still sleeping when a soft blue glow from Bilbo’s waist caught his eye. Leaning forward as he pushed Bilbo’s cloak away Bofur stared at the sword that was now glowing when he knew for certain that the sword had not been glowing before. “Bilbo?” Voice wary as he watched Bilbo glance down at the sword before unsheathing it enough for the cave to be bathed with the pale blue glow of the sword Bofur remained uneasy as Bilbo’s face drained of all the color that he’d regained in the short time that they’d been sitting together. Straining his ears Bofur blanched at the whispered orcs before he scrambled for his pack and mattock as Thorin stood and began shouting for everyone to wake. Noticing the odd cracks that were appearing in the ground Bofur grabbed hold of Bilbo’s cloak and tugged the hobbit close as the ground gave way beneath them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone that has been so patient with me and as always for the lovely kudos and comments. They are what made me fight through the sickness induced writers block until I finally figured out how to connect everything. 
> 
> Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
> 
> Especially to my friend who refused to let me forget about this fic even at the height of the block I had for it.


	15. This is why we think before we leap...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His headache isn't getting any better, the goblins smell bad and there's something very wrong with the creature and the golden ring hiding within the bowels of the goblins mountain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So let me just start with saying I'm sorry. I'm back now though and I've got a few more chapters that will be ready to post shortly.

Landing harshly on the rest of the company Bilbo’s breath caught in his throat as the sounds of his companions groaning was drowned out by a loud roar as they were swarmed by goblins.  Trying desperately to evade the hands trying to grab a hold of him he flinched as a spindly hand wrapped around his ankle and tugged him harshly to the ground.  Fighting against the hands pinning him to the ground as they tied his hands together Bilbo heard Fíli and Kíli shouting for him and tried again to pull away only to cry out as his head was slammed against the ground.  Blinking furiously against the black spots dancing in his vision Bilbo yelped as he was pulled to his feet and dragged along by the rope tying his hands together.  His skin crawled as the goblins jeered at them while the company was forced along a narrow path down to a wider area where a massive goblin sat atop a throne made of bones awaiting their arrival.  Swallowing the bile rising in his throat when they were brought to a halt Bilbo panicked as the goblins holding his _leash_ tugged him forward and away from the group.  Turning his head to glance back at the worried faces of his companions he yelped as he was shoved to his knees before the goblin and after a long moment to gather himself he forced his eyes up to meet the creature’s own.

 

Blanching at the feeling of wrongness that seemed to emanate from the beings surrounding him Bilbo felt his body begin to shake as fear, exhaustion and pain began to take its toll.  “Who dares to enter my kingdom?  Thieves?  Assassins?”  Trying desperately to calm his shaking he flinched as the goblin holding him captive raised his voice to answer what he thought was the Goblin King.  “Dwarves and a _Baalak,_ Your Malevolence.”

 

“A _Baalak_ you say?  Well, well what a surprise you have brought me.  I know someone who would be most interested in knowing about you.”

 

“I—I’m just a hobbit.”

 

“Do you think that because your kind went into hiding that we would forget the _feel_ of their wretched existence?  _Baalak_ are not the only ones to have memory passed down and so I name you _Baalak_.”  Closing his eyes as the Goblin King stepped down from his throne to land with a thunderous crash in front of him Bilbo’s mouth opened in a soundless cry as he was lifted up into the air by the rope around his hands.  _A Took bows to no one, Bilbo.  We will always choose to make a stand even if we are the only ones making it._   “I wonder how it is that you escaped the purges.  Tell me _Baalak_ how many are there of you left?

 

Exhaling slowly Bilbo opened his eyes and looked up at the Goblin King holding him, “I’m not a _Baalak_ or anything else that you can possibly think to name me.  My name is Bilbo and I am but a simple hobbit.”

 

“Oh I think not little _Baalak_.”  The Goblin King crooned as it stroked one massive finger in a mimicry of gentleness down Bilbo’s cheek causing the hobbit to shudder and swallow down the urge to be sick.  “I wonder if the dwarves have been hiding you all this time but that it is not for me to find out.  No it is as I said, there is someone that would be most anxious to meet you and discover where exactly it is that you and your kind have hiding.  I feel most assured that when you meet him that your kind will finally be erased from these lands as they ought to have been long ago.”

 

Later he could not say what had possessed him to do it except that to think of that time made him remember with a shiver the all consuming anger that had flooded through him even as the pain in his head peaked.  He’ll remember glaring up at the Goblin King and gathering the saliva in his mouth before spitting it into the Goblin’s King’s face and shouting for Menace.  The cold satisfaction that had enveloped him is what will carry him through the long tedious lectures that more often than not are shouted at him whilst he’s cradled close by arms that seem loathe to set him free.  He’ll recall, with a vicious pleasure that should worry him but doesn’t once he remembers everything, the look on the Goblin King’s face as his tiny fox leapt from his perch beneath Fíli’s hair and crossed the distance separating them to crash into Bilbo with enough force to send them tumbling off the edge of the platform they’re on.  He falls not knowing if he’ll die but he knows that death is far preferable to anything that awaits him if he doesn’t chose to fall. 

 

…

 

He woke with a groan to the feel of Menace’s insistent nudges against his face and the low whining as he slowly dragged himself into consciousness.  Stiffening and pulling Menace closer whilst placing a gentle hand over his muzzle in an unspoken plea for silence Bilbo strained his ears for the mutters that had first caught his attention.  “Nasty, stinking goblinses..." Blinking away the dark spots still clouding his vision he held his breath as the sounds of a short but violent scuffle filled the cave and relaxed only when the dim blue glow of his sword faded and he was left in near total darkness.

  


Waiting until the sounds of something heavy being dragged away decreased until it was no longer audible he stifled a groan as he pushed himself to his knees and offered his furry companion a weak smile that looked out of place on his haggard features. "I'm alright—or rather I will be," he amended in response to a chastising yip from the small fox. "Now what say you to us finding a way out of here? I don't know about you but I find that the hospitality here leaves much to be desired."

  


Standing slowly as the headache that had been plaguing him for hours throbbed viciously he rubbed wearily at his temples before freezing as he caught sight of something glittering from the corner of his eye. Shuffling closer to where a rock still lay bloodied and discarded he bent to pick up a small golden ring left nearly hidden amongst the rocks littering the ground. Hissing sharply through his teeth when his stomach lurched unpleasantly he tucked the ring away into the pocket of his waistcoat after one final scrutinizing glance at the ring. "Rather an odd thing to find down here don't you think?" Murmuring to himself in an attempt to soothe the unease caused by the ring he gave a nervous chuckle before smoothing the rumpled lines of his travel stained clothing. "I do wish I'd worn my other clothes so that I wouldn't ruin the fine clothing given to me by the elves but I suppose there is nothing for it. Come along Menace, my gut says that we need to follow along this trail if we'd like to reach the surface again."

  


Creeping along the path with Menace trotting beside him he kept an ear open for the sounds of the creature he'd heard attacking the goblin that had fallen with him. Sighing in relief as he reached a wide cavern he ducked behind a large boulder when he caught sight of the odd creature he'd seen earlier. Clutching the folds of his cloak he leaned over so that he could peak around the side of the boulder in search of the creature that had ceased making noise.  Stiffening when Menace let loose the most fearsome noise he'd ever heard from the small fox he closed his eyes before looking up at the ledge of the rock he was using for shelter.

  


Shouting in surprise while he stumbled back Bilbo fought with his cloak before unsheathing his sword with a quiet hiss of steel and held it with trembling hands before him. From a distance the creature had been terrifying whilst up close its features leant an air of artlessness that could lead to the unwary lowering their guard and he'd seen enough of the creatures viciousness with the goblin to ever even think of doing so. "He—hello."

  


"What is its Precious?" The creature spoke, its head tilting to one side with open curiosity shining from its eyes. "Can we eats it too? Much betters than nasty goblinses I thinks, Precious."

  


"My name is Bilbo. Bilbo Baggins of the Shire and this is Menace." Voice firm as he spoke he wondered at the creatures intelligence if it was able to speak so clearly and looking at the loincloth around the almost skeletal waist he realized that creature was a  _he_ rather than an  _it._ "We were in a bit of a scuffle with the goblins and took something of a tumble getting away from them."

  


"Bagginses? What is a Bagginses, Precious?"

  


Stifling a sigh of relief as the creatures face lost the aggression that had left its face twisted with barely leashed malice Bilbo allowed himself a brief moment of optimism.   _Well now, this shouldn't be too bad so long as I can keep him entertained perhaps he'll show me a quicker way of reaching the surface so I can figure out how best to find the others._   

  


Thirty minutes later he’d revised his opinion and had now come to the conclusion that he was a fool.

  


A damned fool.

  


He never should have picked the blasted thing up.  He ought to have ignored that damnable Took curiosity that had only ever gotten him into trouble but instead he had allowed his curiosity to override his common sense.  Damn him as a fool for ever picking up the golden ring that the creature had dropped after tussling with the goblin.  Although, he could at least say with honesty that he would have never expected for the creature to be as attached to the small bit of gold as it was but there you have it.  By all rights he should have flung the cursed ring at the creature and scurried away with Menace tucked beneath his waistcoat whilst the creature was distracted.  

  


That's what he should have done.

  


It's what he would have done had it not been for the instincts, that had developed while traveling, screaming bloody murder at him when he actually gave the thought serious consideration.  He had seen enough while traveling to heed the warning that he was given without another thought as he instead bent and scooped up Menace.  Racing through the dimly lit corridors he thanked the Lady that he'd lost enough weight on the journey to make keeping Menace beneath his waistcoat an option as he hastily tucked the hem of the waistcoat into his pants.  Hissing lowly through his teeth when his headache choose to flare violently back to life his eyes widened as he realized that he could taste the beginnings of copper in the back of his throat and his nose was beginning to tingle in the unpleasant manner that heralded the start of a bloody nose.  

  


Skidding to a stop as he reached what appeared to be a dead end he swiped irritably at his nose with his free hand and made a face at the crimson smeared across it before wiping it off on his cloak.  "There should be something here!"  He muttered to himself as he moved about the space with his fingers skimming the rough edges of the stone searching for a break in the stone that could allow him to escape and make his way to the surface.  "Hobbits don't get lost underground and I'll be made a Sackville-Baggins before I become the first to do so."

  


Freezing as he caught sight of something from the corner of his eye Bilbo scurried forward to see a split in the stone just wide enough for him to pass through if he pulled Menace from his waistcoat. "Thief!"  Looking behind him with naked fear etched across his face Bilbo turned back around and threw himself forward into the split as the creature rounded the corner.  Cursing vehemently and loudly when he became stuck he struggled to push himself through as the creature stalked closer with murder in its eyes.  "Lady please!"  He begged before with a startled gasp he was through the split and falling to the hard ground.  Gasping as his already bruised and sore body slammed against the ground he looked up to see that the ring had come out of his pocket and was falling through the air above him.  Following its movements with his eyes he reached out for it to catch it before it could fall onto the ground when with a sudden and overwhelming sense of foreboding he moved to snatch his hand away.  

  


Watching with disbelief as the ring caught the tip of his finger before spinning around it he felt his breath catch in the back of his throat and his mouth opened with the first scream tearing its way from his throat. Feeling the ring settle at the base of his finger he struggled to open his eyes again and reached out with a shaking hand to pull at the ring on his finger. It had to come off. It needed to come off _now_ he thought with a sob as he tried vainly to free himself of the ring. Sniffling as the first tears slid down his face he turned onto his side when he began to cough harshly and gasped for air when the coughing relented long enough for him to do so. Groaning he tried again to get the ring off of him when he froze and the color drained from his face before he began shaking violently and grabbed at his head with his hands as the pain grew such that he felt as though braining himself was preferable to the agony searing through him. Choking on the blood that was streaming from his nose he watched the dark spots in his vision multiply and a sense of weightlessness overtook him before with a strangled scream he was lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo long story short... I got sick, my niece got sick and then my father got sick as well. Needless to say I've spent far more time at hospitals within the past year than I would have liked and I'm just now getting everything in my life back into order. Sadly, I didn't have much time for writing and when I did I wasn't in the frame of mind to write anything other than the worst angst which will probably (maybe) be posted at some point. 
> 
> I can't really say this enough but thank you to everyone who found this story and commented or left me kudos. My best friend also deserves a lot of thanks because seriously she's awesome and tells me to shut up and post because there's nothing wrong the chapter. 
> 
> The next one should be up within the next few days. Hopefully. Thanks again! I have the most awesome people reading this fic!


	16. Remembrance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memories are odd things. They can be lost quite easily and funnily enough they also be recovered just as easily. Only not all memories are good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *bows* Thank you so much to everyone! Really you guys are awesome especially considering how bad I've been but as promised here is the newest chapter. Enjoy and please remember that no Bilbos were actually hurt in the making of this chapter.
> 
> Well not permanently at any rate.

“Are you certain that you’ve packed enough bow wax?”

 

  


“Yes mother.”

 

  


“You have replacement bow string?”

  


 

“You packed it yourself, mother.”

 

  


“Don’t forget that with the cold you need to keep the ice off of your bow.  The ice will make your bow snap so be sure to keep an eye on it so that it doesn’t end up hurting you instead of whatever you’re trying to use it on.”

  


 

“Mother this isn’t the first time that I’ve gone to visit my grandfather and I’m nearly grown now!”  Bilbo threw his hands up in exasperation before reaching to tug his travel bag out of his mother’s hands.  “You’ve checked for spare bowstrings three times, my bow wax has been added to twice, my fletchings have been replaced and you even took me outside to make sure I remembered how to use the bow that you’ve been teaching me to use for the last decade and a half.  If I’m not ready by now then I don’t think that I ever will be.”

 

  


Smiling at his mother to take the sting out of his words Bilbo stiffened as she leaned forward to cup his face between her hands, her face creased with worry as she brought their foreheads together.  “I worry about you.  You’re my son.  My  _only_   _child_  and I’m sending you off to your grandfather’s house like I have before but this time there are wolves and orcs where before there were none.  It is only natural for a mother to worry but you’re right.  If you’re not ready by now then you won’t ever be.  Promise me that you’ll remember everything I’ve taught you and watch out for your father for me.  Baggins’ may be vicious hobbits when they need to protect their own but they are not Tooks.  Before this winter your father has never had a need to use a weapon and I worry that he’ll freeze if the time comes that he needs to use one.”

  


 

“I promise but you really shouldn’t worry so much, mother.  We’ll be fine.  You’ll see.”  Bilbo whispered as he closed his eyes and took in his mother’s scent before he opened his eyes again and stepped back as he slung his bow over his back.  “I’ll be back in the spring before the first planting.”

 

  


…

 

  


What should have been a day long journey had stretched into two because of the deep snow drifts and the need to watch for orcs and wolves.  Bilbo swore that the first thing he would do that night once he reached the safety of his grandfather’s home would be to settle himself in front of the fire until the feeling in his toes returned.  The horrible coverings his mother had made for his feet were soaked through and left his feet aching from the relentless cold as he followed behind the two rangers and his father.  He would have sworn before that he could never get lost in the Shire but four times now they’d been forced to backtrack because they’d become lost in the snow that covered all of the familiar landmarks.  Pulling his bow from his back as he walked he broke away the ice that had formed and pulled out a bit of wax to help the bow keep its shape and to keep the string from fraying.  

 

Frowning at the blood now smeared over the bow from his chapped hands he dug into his pocket for a handkerchief to wipe the now frozen blood from his hands and the bow.  Tucking the handkerchief and wax back into his pocket he slung his bow across his back and scanned the pristine snow around them.  He’d laughed at his mother’s worries to help ease them but in truth he was worried.  Worried because he knew that food had become scarce in Hobbiton which was why he was being sent to Tuckborough.  The threat of starvation if he stayed was greater than the threat that the orcs and wolves presented.  He hadn’t realized just how bad their situation had become until last week when his mother had pleaded with Gandalf to see if there were any rangers that could be spared to escort him to Tuckborough.  Three days ago when Gandalf had come back to their home with some food and the two rangers, his father had announced that he would see him safely to Tuckborough along with the rangers.  Smiling at his father as the older hobbit fell into step beside him Bilbo remembered the promise he’d made to his mother and wondered for the first time if he would be able to keep it.

  


 

…

  


 

The attack had come with little warning.  He’d had only enough time to pull the bow from his back and nock an arrow before he was sent to the ground.  Hissing in pain as he fell he fired the arrow and smirked in satisfaction as it hit its mark forcing the orc attacking him to fall to the ground with an arrow in its eye.  Pressing a hand to his side he grimaced as it came away painted with blood and looked up at the area around him as his head began to pound with pain.  Forcing himself to his feet he quickly nocked another arrow and let it fly into the back of another orc as he looked for his father.  Absorbed in the search for his father he missed the sound of crunching snow behind him and was sent to the ground with a heavy weight pinning him.  Screaming as the wound in his side was wrenched open even further Bilbo bucked against the weight pinning him as the pounding in his head grew worse.  Gasping for breath as the weight moved off of him and he heard a low whine he scrambled away only to come face to muzzle with a wolf.  Eyes widening as the wolf leaned forward with teeth bared before backing away, Bilbo’s face contorted with pain as he pressed a hand to his side feeling warm blood spilling over his fingers.  

 

Patting the snow around him with his free hand his hand curled around his bow as the wolf snarled menacingly at the orc approaching them.  Crying out as the pain in his head increased he watched through squinted eyes as the wolf leapt over him to attack the orc.  Pulling his bow to his chest as he forced himself to his knees he stared down at the blood seeping into the snow covered ground below him with dazed eyes.  Snow shouldn't bleed. It should never have rivers of blood that flow to muddy lakes and yet the snow that he is looking at does. The snow is bleeding and all that he can do is kneel in the cold wet of the bleeding snow. He doesn't know how long he sits there with one hand clamped tightly to his side before his arms are seized in a rough grip and he is shaken until his eyes begin to focus once more. 

  


"Run!  Do you hear me?  You must run whilst you are still able!"

  


"Father?"  And with a gasp, the snarls and shouts of the fight around him are blasting his ears with an explosion of sound. He looks up at his father’s pale face tightening with worry as he begins to shake his head in disagreement and loosens the tight grip he has on his bow.  "No you can't—I won't run! I promised her!  I promised I’d watch out for you! What would I tell mother if I ran leaving you behind?"

  


"What would you—you foolish child!"  His father's fingers were digging into his arms with a force that he knew would leave bruises.  Bilbo studied his father's face and felt his heart fall as he was pulled into a hug and a kiss was pressed to his forehead. "My dear, precious boy. You ought to have carried your mother's name for all that you are my son and heir. Your mother would never let me know a moments peace if I allowed you to stay here. You are my greatest pride and your mother's life which is why you will run."  His father's voice faltered and the older hobbit glanced behind him before pushing Bilbo away with a rough shove. "You are going to run far from here and you shan't stop until you've reached your grandfather. You are both a Took and a Baggins my boy. Don't you forget that."

  


“Father no.  No you can’t—you can’t make me run and leave you behind!  A Took doesn’t run and they most certainly don’t leave their family behind!”

 

“Baggins or Took I am still your father and as your father I’m telling you to leave.  To run and not stop running until you’ve reached the safety of Tuckborough.”  His father roared as Bilbo clumsily lifted his bow and with shaky hands nocked an arrow before taking aim and firing at the orc behind his father cursing as the arrow went wide and hastily nocked another arrow sighing in relief as this one was accurate.  “Now start running because you haven’t much time.  That wound of yours will need tending and we haven’t the time to do it now.”

 

“Father _please_ —”

 

“I will hear no more!”  His father cut him off even as he turned around with his walking stick held firmly between his hands.  “Please Bilbo.   _Run_.”

 

Closing his eyes and swallowing hard against the lump of emotion rising from his chest to choke him, Bilbo nodded his head before turning away.  He stumbled as he broke a path in the snow heading for the tree line that marked the edge of the forest. It would be easier to hide in the dense undergrowth he thought as the first sobs ripped their way from his chest.   Stopping at the edge of the tree line he turned around and watched as the orcs and wolves began to overwhelm the still fighting rangers and searched for his father only to see his father on the ground with an orc above him.  Lifting his bow he nocked an arrow and followed the movements of the orc before firing.  Bringing his bow back against his chest he watched as his father’s blood stained the snow before sniffling and turning to enter the forest.  There was no longer a reason for him to linger as his promise was already broken.

 

…

 

He hurt.  He hurt so badly but he couldn’t stop running.  His father had told him to run and run he would until he reached the safety of Tuckborough like his father had told him to do.  His side burned as he ran and his breathing was labored while sweat dripped down his face causing his eyes to burn.  Listening to the snarls and shouts behind him he used the land to his advantage because even covered by snow he knew this land well enough to know where he should and should not run.  Pausing to gather his bearings and trying to catch his breath Bilbo looked up at the weak sunlight piercing through the peach colored clouds.  Nightfall would be upon him shortly as the sun was already sinking below the horizon and what small advantage he had with his knowledge of the land would be lost once darkness fell.  

 

Gasping as his headache grew worse Bilbo closed his eyes tightly against the pain before forcing them back open.  Struggling to catch his breath he forced himself to begin running again because he didn’t have any time to spare.  Running through the forest he grimaced as he felt the wound on his side grow warm as more blood spilled from it and wished not for the first time that he’d taken the bandages his mother had tried to give him before he’d left Hobbiton.  There was nothing to be done for it, he thought as he tried to gauge the distance between himself and his pursuers, nothing that could be done until he reached the safety of Tuckborough.  Once he left the small forest he would be on the outer edge of the watch stations his grandfather had no doubt set up.  Hobbits were gentle creatures but Tooks were altogether different.  They could and would be gentle but given the right circumstances a Took could be downright militant.  Out of the entire Shire, the Tooks were the only clan who still refused to lay their weapons aside and instead persisted in ensuring that each new generation was taught how to wield a bow and as a last defense the walking stick that all hobbits carried while travelling.  

 

He’d asked his grandfather why the Tooks were the only clan to keep their weapon skills instead of letting them fade into memory as they learned new trades.  ‘Yavanna is our most gracious Lady,’ his grandfather had said with a faraway look in his eyes, ‘but even so it would be remiss of us to assume that she will always be able to protect us.  It is a fool that depends on someone else for protection and the Tooks are not fools.’  Ducking beneath tree branches laden with snow and creaking ominously beneath the weight Bilbo realized that even though he’d said that he understood at the time he really hadn’t.  He hadn’t understood the point that his grandfather was trying to make because before this winter he’d never had to use his bow for anything other than target practice and hunting the occasional rabbit when his mother asked.  Tuckborough was safer than any other part of the Shire for the simple reason that his mother’s clan had never forgotten what it meant to have the means to protect oneself.  Tooks did not bow to anyone and least of all death.  A true Took of the clan would face death with a defiant glare whilst standing because to do otherwise would be to bring dishonor upon the clan and its teachings.

 

Smiling wearily as he realized that the thick cluster of trees was giving way to more open space which meant that he was nearing the edge of the forest Bilbo sped up eager to leave the forest behind.  Concentrating his attention on the trees instead of the snow covered ground he was slogging through his foot caught on something and he fell to the ground with a pained sound his hands stretching out in an attempt to help himself roll into the fall.  Yelping as he landed with a bone jarring thud his vision grew dark at the edges as the explosion of pain in his side threatened to steal consciousness away from him.   Shaking as he forced himself to take deep breaths Bilbo uncurled from the tight ball he’d curled into as the pain battered at his already overwhelmed senses.  Eyes widening with alarm as the sounds of the orcs reached his ears he pushed himself to his feet and began to run as terror overwhelmed the pain long enough for him to regain his footing.  Racing through the forest he felt his heart skip a beat as he heard the orcs guttural language and turned his head to glance behind only to freeze as he heard a fearsome snarl.

 

Stumbling and landing on his knees in the snow with a hiss of pain Bilbo looked up to see the same wolf he’d seen earlier.  Massive with a white coat that blended into the snowy surroundings with a smattering of darker colored fur on the muzzle the wolf stood over him before bending down to nudge at his cheek with its nose.  Breath catching in his throat as he stared at the wolf touching him so gently with a muzzle stained black with orc blood Bilbo stared at the wolf with bated breath as his heart thudded wildly in his chest.  Flinching as the wolf nudged at his cheek again, he lowered the bow still clutched tightly in his hand and waited a few moments before reaching out with his other hand to run his fingers through the slightly coarse fur of the wolf’s chest.  Closing his eyes at the feeling of warmth suffusing his chest Bilbo got to his feet with the wolf’s help and gauged the distance remaining between them and the edge of the forest before straightening his back and turning to face the forest behind him.  

  


“Hávarðr come.”  The name flowed from his mouth as he called to the wolf and for the life of him he couldn’t say why the name felt so right but it did.  The voice of reason that he normally listened to was screaming for him to leave.  Screaming that he couldn’t trust a wolf when they were helping the orcs but the voice was silenced by the overwhelming feeling of rightness that suffused him as the wolf came to stand beside him. He could do worse than to have a wolf fighting by his side whilst they made enough noise to hopefully bring the watch running because he knew that even with the wolf’s aid he no longer had the strength to make it out of the forest unaided.  

 

Wincing at the painful tug as he lifted his arm to draw an arrow Bilbo aimed it towards the darkening forest where he could hear the orcs and waited as Hávarðr crouched low with hackles raised and a threatening growl rumbled from the wolf’s chest.  Taking a moment to adjust his aim as the first orc came into view Bilbo fired as Hávarðr leapt forward to grapple with the orc behind the first.  Watching dispassionately as the orc was forced to the ground under Hávarðr’s weight before its throat was torn out Bilbo nocked another arrow and fired.  His mother had been the one to teach him how to use a bow but his grandfather had been the one to teach him strategy.  The one to teach him that although their arrows were small and lacked the force that came from the bows of men or elves; their bows were still capable of lethal wounds if one knew where to aim.  He made sure to aim for vulnerable areas like the eyes or in the neck where even an arrow that failed to go in completely could become fatal if it hit the right spot and thanks to his grandfather’s persistence he knows all too well where those right spots were.

 

Quiver nearly empty and hands shaking with exhaustion and blood loss Bilbo bared his teeth at an approaching orc and snarled as he quickly fired.  Hávarðr was a few paces from his him keeping any orcs from nearing him as he struggled to pick off the orcs as quickly as he was able.  Fumbling with his bow as his ears caught a faint sound carried on the wind Bilbo turned his head in the direction that the sound was coming from and laughed.  His laughter was loud and just a touch hysterical as he righted his grip on the bow and turned to fire at another orc who had gotten entirely too close for his liking his hope rising as he did so.  The sound echoed through the forest again and this time he was left without doubts as to what the sound was.  The horns carried by the Took archers were known to every Took and the sound of that horn meant that he wouldn’t die.  Not today and not in this forest already filled with the stinking corpses of orcs and wolves.

 

Hand darting up to draw another arrow his eyes widened with fear as his hand closed around nothing.  Glancing around him he scurried forward to pull an arrow from an already dead orc and nocked it, noting with relief the decreasing numbers of orcs before releasing it and bending down to yank out another arrow to use.  Bend, pull, aim and fire.  Bend, pull, tug, grunt, aim and fire.  Bend, pull—ducking away as one of the orcs broke through Hávarðr’s defense Bilbo lifted his bow to block a sword blow that he couldn’t dodge and winced as the blow sent him staggering back with a loud crack as his bow snapped.  Blinking dazedly down at the bow dangling from his hand, Bilbo’s mouth opened in an inarticulate cry as he thrown into a solid tree trunk, the bark scratching at his skin through his shirt as he slid down to the ground.  Struggling for breath as he clutched at his side, the warm blood spilling over his hands and making the remnants of his bow too slippery to hold Bilbo looked up defiantly at the orc standing over him.

 

‘A Took bows to no one except for our gracious Lady.’  It was one of the first things he could remember his grandfather saying at every Took meeting and something that had been repeated every time he was given archery lessons.  Grimacing at the taste of blood in his mouth, Bilbo spat out a mouthful of the liquid onto the feet of the orc as he struggled to stand.  If he was going to die then he was going to die on his feet and not bring further dishonor to his family by simply waiting for death.  Blood slick hands grasping onto the bark he tried desperately to pull himself to his feet as the orc lifted his sword.  Swallowing hard against the fear fluttering in his chest as he slid back down the tree, Bilbo bit his lip to keep it from quavering as he felt tears gathering at the corners of his eyes.  Taking as deep a breath as he was able he exhaled slowly as he heard the air whistling with the sword’s swing and waited to feel its bite as he closed his eyes in preparation only to open them in alarm at the feel of warmth splashing across his face.  

 

Moaning as he saw white fur staining crimson Bilbo reached out to pull the wolf close with a sob as he tried desperately to stop the bleeding while sliding down the tree's trunk as he lost the strength to stand. He remained focused on the dying wolf cradled in his arms even as the Took archers finally reached them with a hail of arrows taking down the remaining orcs.  Pressing down on the gaping wound in Hávarðr’s neck Bilbo shook as dimming eyes looked up at him with a faint whine that he felt more than heard.  “You can’t leave me.”  He whispered in a voice made rough with emotion.  “You can’t save me and then just die.  That—that’s not how things work for Tooks.  We pay our debts.  Do you hear me Hávarðr?  We pay our debts and you can’t die and leave me unable to pay my debt.”

 

“Bilbo?”  Ignoring the archer speaking to him as Bilbo petted the dying wolf he leaned forward to press a kiss to the bloody muzzle as his vision began to grow black at the edges.  “Someone get my father!  Get the Thain now!  Bilbo you need to let the wolf go so I can see where you’ve been hurt, lad.”

 

“No lemme ‘lone.”  Shoving aside the hands trying to pry his own away from Hávarðr Bilbo tightened his grip while black spots danced through his vision.  “He needs me.  I let—I let… I can’t let go.  I can’t.”  Voice breaking on a sob as he pressed his face into the wet fur Bilbo listened as the struggled breathing of his wolf stopped and he snarled as hands once more tried to gently pull him away from the Hávarðr’s rapidly cooling body.  “Go ‘way!”  He cried out as he tried to break away from the hands that were succeeding in pulling him away.

 

“He is gone lad.  Gone and you’ll soon follow if you don’t allow us to tend to you.”  Whimpering at the blunt words Bilbo curled in on himself as he was finally pulled away from Hávarðr.  “I swear to you lad that we will not leave him for the birds to feast on.  He’ll be tended to just as surely as if he were one of our own.”

 

“Uncle Hildigard?”

 

“It will all be better soon, Bilbo.”  Eyes wet as his uncle leaned down to press a gentle hand against the crown of his head Bilbo sniffled as he swiped at his nose with the back of his hand.  “Your grandfather should be here soon and I expect you’ll be in a great deal of trouble for sneaking away from Hobbiton to come here whilst it’s so dangerous.”

 

“Didn’t sneak.”

 

“Pardon?”

 

“Didn’t sneak cause Mother—Mother sent me.”  Bilbo mumbled as he tried to focus on the look of shock adorning his uncle’s face but the dark spots were beginning to overwhelm his vision now that he finally felt warm nestled in the blanket of snow as he was.  “Father and two rangers… You’ll tell her—tell her I’m sorry.  Right uncle?”  Clutching at his uncle’s cloak he looked up imploringly at the older hobbit his eyes blinking rapidly in an attempt to fight the darkness as he tried to keep a hold of consciousness.  “Uncle?”

 

His uncle made a choked noise as he pulled Bilbo into his arms and rested his chin against sweaty curls of hair.  “You’ve nothing to be sorry for and if your mother says that you ought to be then she’ll have to take it up with me.  Now hush for I’ll hear no more of this talk of apologies when it is apparent that you need tending to by a healer.  Your Aunt Mira will have my head if I delay any longer and that’s not to mention what your grandfather will do to me.”

 

“Hávarðr.  Don’t—don’t forget Hávarðr.”  

 

“Oh lad,” his uncle Hildigard whispered as the hands clutching his cloak loosened as Bilbo lost his fight with consciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if you've read through this to the end you have realized that I'm quite horrible which is something that Bilbo and the dwarves could have told you long ago as I've been planning this from the beginning. Sorry to say that things won't be getting any better in the next chapter either but after that it'll start to lighten up again. Thanks for reading!


	17. Behind the Veil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is a field that can be found outside of the Halls...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah um...
> 
> I caught pneumonia and it was ugly for a little while so posting this unfortunately got put on hold. It's a short chapter but it was always meant to be short because of what's happening.

He slept.

 

He slept and whilst he slept he dreamt. Dreamt of a woman with loose brown curls that fell around a heart shaped face set with glittering hazel eyes framed by thick lashes. He thinks that perhaps she is a lot like his Auntie Mira if his auntie were quieter and sadder as though some great tragedy had stolen her smile away from her. He worries for her. Wonders what could have happened to have stolen her smile away. What tragedies could have come to pass that in the end she was left so terribly scarred by those experiences? He wonders but he does not ask because it is not his place to do so and also... Because he is scared. Scared of what the answer might be because he feels as though there is something that he has forgotten.  Some _one_ that he has forgotten even when he should not have done so.

 

It scares him. This feeling that he cannot shake and so instead of speaking he remains quiet. He remains silent because he is scared and for that he hates himself. Hates because he is a coward and in so being, he is betraying everything that he has inherited through the Right of Blood. The fear and hate create a never ending cycle and as such he fails to notice that even with the unfamiliar lass it's a quiet place that he's awoken to. Too quiet to be natural. Eventually without even noticing the fear fades away into nothing and the hate disappears without a trace as though it had never even existed within him. Time passes slowly, or so he thinks as with the absence of a definitive difference between day and night it's hard to know how long he's spent sitting within the quiet meadow.

 

The grass beneath him is green and it retains the softness that one would expect to feel in grass flush from the passing of spring to summer. It's odd how content he has become to remain here when surely there must be something that he ought to be doing in a place that isn't this peaceful meadow that is nearly too idyllic to be real. He thinks that maybe a week has passed when his companion turns to him and asks, "do you know where we are?"

 

"I..." He stops his face clouding with confusion before it changes to worry that is steadily overtaken by alarm as he realizes that he doesn't recognize this meadow. This meadow can't be found within the borders of the Shire or he would know it, of that he is certain and he feels his mouth go dry with this realization while his eyes lift up to meet the sharp gaze of his companion. "Where am I?"

 

"This is the place between the veils," she says matter of fact before she rises and brushes away the blades of grass still clinging to her skirts. When she turns again to face him, he feels his breath catch because her gaze is filled with something indefinable. Something that leaves him feeling as though he is being judged as her gaze rakes over him and at long last there is the smallest of smiles on her face as she meets his gaze again and he lets out the breath he hadn't realized he had been holding. "We are in the Lady's Fields that are found outside of the lands that hold the Halls of Mandos. I waited for as long as I was able but time grows short and there is no more time available that I can grant to you."

 

That is when he remembers.

 

Remembers leaving his mother with a cheerful smile. Traveling through snow and cold to find the safety of his grandfather's home. The rangers and his father fighting against the overwhelming number of orcs and wolves that had attacked them. His father's peaceful smile as he fell—and why was he smiling? What possible reason could he have to smile whilst dying well before the time that Mandos should have called him into the Halls that await those who pass through the veil. How could he smile knowing.... Knowing that his child was the one to send him along on his way to the Halls. Oh dear Lady.

 

He doesn't realize that he is kneeling with his hands pulling on his hair painfully whilst he screams until his companion gently pulls his hands away and tugs him into her arms. He fights against her because a murderer doesn't deserve compassion right? Except that there's this small voice steadily growing louder that reminds him of why he took the shot that he did. Of why his father smiled as he fell and his blood splashed across the snow while his innards were tangled in the orcs filthy hands as it leaned down and...

 

His companion distracts him from the memories.

 

She hums a song that he both knows and yet doesn't. A song that seems to resonate within his bones as his grief stricken screams fade to sobs and his sobs calm to whimpers. All the while she rests on the grassy knoll of their meadow with him cradled in her arms atop her lap and her hands smooth through his hair in time to the melody that she is still humming. His eyes burn, his face aches and his head throbs when at last the tears dry and he is able to compose himself enough to pull away from the comfort offered by his companion. "I am terribly sorry." He says stiffly as he forces the words out with a voice gone raspy from screams and tears. "I don't know—you should not have been forced to see that my good lady."

 

"Our family has done you a disservice my dear one." Leaning forward she grabs hold of his face and forces him to meet her gaze. It is with a timidity that ill suits him, that he looks up to see her face lined with sorrow as she rubs her thumbs over his cheekbones. "Those memories were stolen from you before you could properly come to terms with your grief for all that had happened. I never dreamt that when I made my request of the Lady that this is what would come to pass. Apologies alone will never atone for the ill that has befallen you and I wish that it had not been you who had been chosen. I wish it with the entirety of my heart yet I know well why the Lady chose you. How could I not when I look at you and see in you all that my people once were?"

 

"Who are you?"

 

"When I walked amongst you I was called Arnóra. Before my people were lost I was named Queen." He watches as she pauses and it seems as though the entirety of the meadow holds its breath before her chin lifts proudly and her entire bearing becomes regal as he watches. "Your stories name me as the first and last Queen of the faerie folk. The lost Queen Arnóra who sought and found refuge with the small folk known as Hobbits when Sauron murdered my kin."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me? Please?


End file.
